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Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #476081
10/30/13 05:28 PM
10/30/13 05:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 13,075
San Pedro Belize
elbert Offline
.
elbert  Offline
Now that's a good one, I like that a lot.


White Sands Dive Shops Daily Blog
http://scubalessonsbelize.blogspot.com/
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #476136
10/31/13 12:22 PM
10/31/13 12:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,367
J
jhill123 Offline
.
jhill123  Offline
J
Halloween Humor

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: How do you make a witch stew?
A: Keep her waiting for hours.

Q: How do ghosts begin their letters?
A: "Tomb it may concern..."

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: What do you call a person who puts rat poison in a person's Corn Flakes?
A: A cereal killer

Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.

Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
A: Tired blood.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.

Q: How is a werewolf like a computer?
A: They both have megabytes.

Q: Where do vampires live?
A: At the Vampire State Building.

Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle.

Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: Lake Erie.

Q: How can you tell when a window is scared?
A: They get shudders.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
A: Hello, hello, hello.

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can't see anything?
A: A witch with her eyes closed.

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
A: He's mist.

Q: What sailor like to be chilled to the bone?
A: A skeleton crew.

Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: In the casketeria.

Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line.

Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A: Toasty ghosty.

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.

Q: What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
A: A Sand-witch

Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A: A boo-loney sandwich.

Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A: A wash-and-werewolf.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
A: His ghoul friend.

Q: What is a vampires favourite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
A: Hallowieners.

Q: What do you call serious rocks?
A: Grave stones.

Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #476140
10/31/13 01:28 PM
10/31/13 01:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 13,075
San Pedro Belize
elbert Offline
.
elbert  Offline
there are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets


White Sands Dive Shops Daily Blog
http://scubalessonsbelize.blogspot.com/
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: elbert] #476144
10/31/13 02:06 PM
10/31/13 02:06 PM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
Beautiful San Marcos, Texas
E
Ernie B Offline
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Ernie B  Offline
E
And........


Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Ernie B] #476146
10/31/13 03:25 PM
10/31/13 03:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
Originally Posted by Ernie B
And........

Sucker!!


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #476147
10/31/13 03:52 PM
10/31/13 03:52 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 13,075
San Pedro Belize
elbert Offline
.
elbert  Offline
Wife walks in on husband, a string theorist, in bed with another woman. He shouts, I can explain everything!


White Sands Dive Shops Daily Blog
http://scubalessonsbelize.blogspot.com/
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: elbert] #476149
10/31/13 05:02 PM
10/31/13 05:02 PM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
Beautiful San Marcos, Texas
E
Ernie B Offline
.
Ernie B  Offline
E
I want some of what ever Elbert's smokin !


Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #476156
10/31/13 10:35 PM
10/31/13 10:35 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
Wet Coast of Canada, On an isl...
VT-CDN Offline
.
VT-CDN  Offline
A bit of confusion ???
I'm having problems with either my ears or elevator's

This morning I was beaten up by a woman. I was in an elevator when
this beautiful busty woman got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would
you please press 1?

So I did. I don't remember much after that.



a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #476205
11/01/13 09:43 AM
11/01/13 09:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline

Cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the driver is VERY handsome
Cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers,
"My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
And have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that:

#1, you have to be single and

#2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK.


My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.





Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #476264
11/01/13 07:01 PM
11/01/13 07:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
ohio
daddywags Offline
.
daddywags  Offline
You may kiss a nun but don't get in the habit!!

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