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Re: Smiles for the day [Re: jhill123] #487273
03/03/14 02:46 PM
03/03/14 02:46 PM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,157
Plano,Tx
pugwash Offline

.
pugwash  Offline
On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the northern suburbs of Montana were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow ploughs can get through conveniently".
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "

Then the power went off. . . . . . . .!

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?"

Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the Tim replied,

"Jane.....Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"



Last edited by pugwash; 03/03/14 02:53 PM.

It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: pugwash] #487287
03/03/14 06:23 PM
03/03/14 06:23 PM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
Beautiful San Marcos, Texas
E
Ernie B Offline
.
Ernie B  Offline
E
Yer screwed !


Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #487849
03/11/14 09:55 PM
03/11/14 09:55 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
Wet Coast of Canada, On an isl...
VT-CDN Offline
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VT-CDN  Offline
Jane must be worth the inconvenience of moving the car, If Jane from Jackson FL. had checked that the radio wasn't on Satellite system , she might of not pro-plied to dreams of images ..


a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #488020
03/14/14 12:03 PM
03/14/14 12:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline

FRED’S FUNERAL

Fred works hard at the office but spends two nights each week
bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday
she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets
them and says, “Hey, Fred! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Fred. "He's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always
have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around
Fred, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Freddie. Want
your usual table dance, big boy?"

Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Fred follows and spots her getting into a taxi. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in beside her.

Fred tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at
him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four-letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Fred, you picked up a real witch
this time."





Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #488673
03/27/14 08:32 AM
03/27/14 08:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #488825
03/31/14 07:43 AM
03/31/14 07:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
When NASA started sending astronauts into space, they
quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in
zero
gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent
a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including
glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300
C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying them.



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #488839
03/31/14 03:40 PM
03/31/14 03:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
I was in the Texas Rose last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number."

I looked at her said, "Have you got a pen."

She said, "I sure do."

I said, " Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you're missing."



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #488877
04/01/14 09:28 AM
04/01/14 09:28 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #488932
04/02/14 07:43 AM
04/02/14 07:43 AM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
Arizona USA
azbob Offline
.
azbob  Offline
Champ that aint funny!!! That is some scary sh**!!! crazy


"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #488988
04/03/14 08:48 AM
04/03/14 08:48 AM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 72,935
oregon, spr
Marty Offline

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Marty  Offline
Comedian Louis CK who, while appearing on an episode of Conan, explained in hilarious detail why so many of us are unappreciative dopes when it comes to technology.


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