Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 367 of 370 1 2 365 366 367 368 369 370
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #497835
11/11/14 07:53 PM
11/11/14 07:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 993
Palm Springs
Bing Crosby Offline
.
Bing Crosby  Offline
[quote=champion] Subject: Why things went the way they did On Election
Day. It was pointed out to me that on
election day the Democrat vote started out with a
pretty healthy lead - and then the Republicans got off work. [/quote

Oh really, the way I heard it was the Klan meeting ended.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Bing Crosby] #497853
11/12/14 06:07 AM
11/12/14 06:07 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,000
SW, MA / SW, FL
R
ragman Offline
.
ragman  Offline
R
Originally Posted by Bing Crosby
[quote=champion] Subject: Why things went the way they did On Election
Day. It was pointed out to me that on
election day the Democrat vote started out with a
pretty healthy lead - and then the Republicans got off work.[quote]

Oh really, the way I heard it was the Klan meeting ended.


In case you missed the joke it was the person who posted the last sentence.

Last edited by ragman; 11/12/14 06:11 AM. Reason: clarity

Jim
Formerly from somewhere on a beach in Belize
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Bing Crosby] #497872
11/12/14 12:11 PM
11/12/14 12:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
Originally Posted by Bing Crosby
[quote=champion] Subject: Why things went the way they did On Election
Day. It was pointed out to me that on
election day the Democrat vote started out with a
pretty healthy lead - and then the Republicans got off work. [/quote

Oh really, the way I heard it was the Klan meeting ended.

Palm Springs, WOW!, that says it all.


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #497901
11/13/14 07:10 AM
11/13/14 07:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3,677
Maple Grove, MN USA
Bobber Offline
.
Bobber  Offline
Ain't that the way it goes. Ya got a good joke, and someone comes along and adds something that makes it even funnier. laugh


Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498143
11/19/14 03:31 PM
11/19/14 03:31 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498192
11/21/14 10:50 AM
11/21/14 10:50 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline

I went into the confessional box after years of being away from
the Church.

Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey
and Waterford crystal glasses.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and
chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for
it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I
must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting
than it used to be."

He replies: " Get out, you moron, you're on my side. "


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498248
11/23/14 10:10 AM
11/23/14 10:10 AM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 72,102
oregon, spr
Marty Offline

.
Marty  Offline

Bad Newspaper Headlines

Still laughing...
Thanks to Glen Gillett aka Pele
































Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498287
11/24/14 03:31 PM
11/24/14 03:31 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
So I asked my Doctor, "Doctor, what are we going to do about this dangerous virus from Africa?" He said, "I don't know, he has two more years in office.”




Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498328
11/25/14 07:14 AM
11/25/14 07:14 AM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,546
Birdland - 1 mile north
ScubaLdy Offline
.
ScubaLdy  Offline
BOOOOOO!


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: ScubaLdy] #498417
11/27/14 08:54 PM
11/27/14 08:54 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
Wet Coast of Canada, On an isl...
VT-CDN Offline
.
VT-CDN  Offline
“Winston, come into the dining room, it’s time to eat,” Julia yelled to her husband.



“In a minute, honey, it’s a tie score,” he answered. Actually Winston
wasn’t very interested in the traditional holiday football game between
Detroit and Washington. Ever since the government passed the Civility in
Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its “unseemly
violence” and the “bad example it sets for the rest of the world,”
Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand
touch wasn’t nearly as exciting.



Yet it wasn’t the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the
thought of eating another TofuTurkey. Even though it was the best type
of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American
Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden
foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat
pie), it wasn’t anything like real turkey. And ever since the
government officially changed the name of “Thanksgiving Day” to “A
National Day of Atonement” in 2020, to officially acknowledge the
Pilgrims’ historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday
had lost a lot of its luster.



Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam
of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look
even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever
since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all
thermostats—which were monitored and controlled by the electric company —
be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was
barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.



Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the
family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she
had used up her legal allotment of live-saving medical treatment. He had
had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium,
spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and
everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though
he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. “The
RHC’s resources are limited,” explained the government bureaucrat
Winston spoke with on the phone. “Your mother received all the benefits
to which she was entitled. I’m sorry for your loss.”



Ed couldn’t make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car
last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of
2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines — for everyone but
government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too
far, and Ed didn’t want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere
between here and there.



Thankfully, Winston’s brother, John, and his wife were flying in.
Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the
occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting
down so soon after the government - mandated cavity searches at
airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids.



Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a
jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added “inconvenience” was an
“absolute necessity” in order to stay “one step ahead of the
terrorists.” Winston’s own body had grown accustomed to such probing
ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a
crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime
to single out any group or individual for “unequal scrutiny,” even when
probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train
stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.



The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a
Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the
law intact. “A living Constitution is extremely flexible,” said the
Court’s eldest member, Elena Kagan. “Europe has had laws like this one
for years. We should learn from their example,” she added.



Winston’s thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well
with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him.
Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone
at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real
confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month,
explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got
over it.



His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it
was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming,
the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were
“just around the corner,” but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic
attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility.
It didn’t help that Jason had reported his father to the police for
smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking
Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet
of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have
been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually
worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing
the federal government initiated was, once again, to “spur economic
growth.” This time they promised to push unemployment below its
years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.



Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought,
before remembering it was a Day of Atonement.. At least he had his
memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children
would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before
government promises to make life “fair for everyone” realized their full
potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never
realized how much things could change when they didn’t happen all at
once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.



He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while
there was still time, maybe back around 2009, when all the real nonsense
began. “Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today if we’d just said
‘enough is enough’ when we had the chance,” he thought.



Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.

Page 367 of 370 1 2 365 366 367 368 369 370

Links
Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
Click for excellent scuba lessons with Elbert Greer!
Chaa Creek is an award-winning luxury Belize Resort, rated as one of the worlds best Eco Lodges. We are a pioneer in adventure travel to Belize since 1981!
Maruba Beach Klub and Spa is the premiere Secret Beach spa and restaurant located on the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean Sea at the center of Secret Beach, Belize
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler

Things to do

News
Daily News
Daily Weather

Classified Ads
BelizeNews.com
San Pedro Sun
Ambergris Today
SP Town Council
Channel 7
Channel 5
Amandala
ReefTV
Love FM
The Reporter
PLUS TV
TV Newscasts
Radio Stations

Click for our
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites

Event Guides
Event Calendar
Specials & Events
Things to Do
SanPedroScoop
iTravel Belize
Paradise Theater
San Pedro Fun Finder
Paradise Guy Event Calendar
Cayo Event Calendar

Blogs
San Pedro Scoop!
Tia Chocolate
Tacogirl
My Beautiful Belize
I-Travel Belize
Belize Adventure
Belize Hub
Romantic Travel
Belize Happy Adventures
Conch Creative
Caribbean Culture & Lifestyle
More Blogs...
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites
White Sands Dive Shop - 5 Star PADI Dive Facility - Daily diving, SCUBA instruction and Snorkeling
Caribbean Inspired All Natural Condiments & Spice Blends, Over 100 are Gluten Free!
We manage a variety of homes, apartments, condos and commercial properties here on Ambergris Caye. Our minimum lease on ALL properties is six months.
Click for Ian Anderson's Caves Branch, Welcome to a World of Adventure
Lil Alphonse has snorkel equipment to fit anyone as well as Marine Park Tickets and flotation devices to assist those not as experienced.
Coastal Xpress offers a daily scheduled ferry run to most resorts, restaurants and private piers on the island of Anbergris Caye. We also offer  private and charter water taxi service.
March
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 31
Cayo Espanto
Click for Cayo Espanto, and have your own private island
More Links
Click for exciting and adventurous tours of Belize with Katie Valk!
ShoutChat Box
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 174 guests, and 0 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums44
Topics73,705
Posts486,593
Members19,816
Most Online4,377
Dec 15th, 2020



AmbergrisCaye.com CayeCaulker.org HELP! Visitor Center Goods & Services San Pedro Town
BelizeSearch.com Message Board Lodging Diving Fishing Things to Do History
BelizeNews.com Maps Phonebook Belize Business Directory
BelizeCards.com Picture of the Day

The opinions and views expressed on this board are the subjective opinions of Ambergris Caye Message Board members
and not of the Ambergris Caye Message Board its affiliates, or its employees.

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1