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AND so - many of us left the good old USA and moved to Belize and had a GREAT THANKSGIVING DINNER - thanks to my wonderful neighbors and friends who brought the most delicious foods. I am very thankful!


Harriette
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Originally Posted by champion
So I asked my Doctor, "Doctor, what are we going to do about this dangerous virus from Africa?" He said, "I don't know, he has two more years in office."




You're poor at geography too. Hawaii isn't in Africa.

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Originally Posted by Bing Crosby
Originally Posted by champion
So I asked my Doctor, "Doctor, what are we going to do about this dangerous virus from Africa?" He said, "I don't know, he has two more years in office."




You're poor at geography too. Hawaii isn't in Africa.

Yesa, I be tupid, so sorry!


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
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J
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J
Always entertaining to see some lame conservative commentary wrapped in a lame attempt at humor.

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Those Hawaiin-Americans are just so hard to identify sometimes. smile


Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
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Originally Posted by jhill123
Always entertaining to see some lame conservative commentary wrapped in a lame attempt at humor.

Go do what you do best. Create havoc and discontent. Start a riot somewhere. Grow some eggs!


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A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and
with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"


_______________________________________________


An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me.
I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ...38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money,
a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife
inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?


____________________________________________________


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty
thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled,

"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the
dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb ..... but all men...are men!



Harriette
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A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.



"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.



That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.


Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain, during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.


"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."


"I see," the captain says.


Her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."


"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."





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ha ha ha ha ha


Harriette
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Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama's new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go friggin' ballistic.

Then Bill noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."



"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog." They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked.



The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something else you'd like?"



Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the genie the first photo. "But I'm actually married to this woman called Hillary" and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see what Hillary looks like, so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"



The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Damn, let's have another look at that dog!"



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
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