Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 369 of 370 1 2 367 368 369 370
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498903
12/11/14 05:39 AM
12/11/14 05:39 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 13,078
San Pedro Belize
elbert Offline
.
elbert  Offline
There is something about Hillary jokes that my Dark Passenger likes.


White Sands Dive Shops Daily Blog
http://scubalessonsbelize.blogspot.com/
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #498909
12/11/14 11:46 AM
12/11/14 11:46 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
"I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with
to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair,
I've got a headache, I'm your sister-in-law."


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499004
12/13/14 08:36 PM
12/13/14 08:36 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
Wet Coast of Canada, On an isl...
VT-CDN Offline
.
VT-CDN  Offline
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"


Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.


Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.


Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?""


a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499046
12/15/14 03:33 PM
12/15/14 03:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,546
Birdland - 1 mile north
ScubaLdy Offline
.
ScubaLdy  Offline

SPAGHETTI

For several years, a wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to
ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a
large sum of money if she would return to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support
until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born..

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child
support to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey" she said, "you received a very strange post card today"

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later", he said. The wife obeyed
and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Two with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499047
12/15/14 04:09 PM
12/15/14 04:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
Good one Birdland!


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499067
12/16/14 08:21 AM
12/16/14 08:21 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford.



"The material we put in our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dyes. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But , there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.



Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it ?"



After several seconds of quiet, a 80 year-old man in the front row raised his hand and softly said,

"Wedding Cake."



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #499122
12/18/14 04:26 AM
12/18/14 04:26 AM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
Arizona USA
azbob Offline
.
azbob  Offline

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask
'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
'I don't know, Sir.

I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?'


"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499145
12/18/14 08:57 PM
12/18/14 08:57 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
Wet Coast of Canada, On an isl...
VT-CDN Offline
.
VT-CDN  Offline
She had me @ 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'


a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499278
12/23/14 06:07 AM
12/23/14 06:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,367
J
jhill123 Offline
.
jhill123  Offline
J
A newly married couple is getting ready for bed on their wedding night after saving themselves for the big occasion.
The wife is waiting in bed and the husband is beginning to undress.

"Dearest wife, when I was young, I was inflicted with several diseases that left me slightly impaired". As he takes off his pants, he points out his badly disfigured knees. When I was 7, I had a case of the "kneesles".

He continues undressing, this time taking off his socks. "Dearest wife, when I was 9, I had a case of "Toeleo", that left my toes horribly disfigured".

As he begins to remove his underwear, his wife says, "Don't tell me, when you were 13, you had a case of "Smallcoxs"?

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #499300
12/23/14 01:03 PM
12/23/14 01:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
[Linked Image]


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Page 369 of 370 1 2 367 368 369 370

Links
Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
Click for excellent scuba lessons with Elbert Greer!
Chaa Creek is an award-winning luxury Belize Resort, rated as one of the worlds best Eco Lodges. We are a pioneer in adventure travel to Belize since 1981!
Maruba Beach Klub and Spa is the premiere Secret Beach spa and restaurant located on the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean Sea at the center of Secret Beach, Belize
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler

Things to do

News
Daily News
Daily Weather

Classified Ads
BelizeNews.com
San Pedro Sun
Ambergris Today
SP Town Council
Channel 7
Channel 5
Amandala
ReefTV
Love FM
The Reporter
PLUS TV
TV Newscasts
Radio Stations

Click for our
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites

Event Guides
Event Calendar
Specials & Events
Things to Do
SanPedroScoop
iTravel Belize
Paradise Theater
San Pedro Fun Finder
Paradise Guy Event Calendar
Cayo Event Calendar

Blogs
San Pedro Scoop!
Tia Chocolate
Tacogirl
My Beautiful Belize
I-Travel Belize
Belize Adventure
Belize Hub
Romantic Travel
Belize Happy Adventures
Conch Creative
Caribbean Culture & Lifestyle
More Blogs...
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites
White Sands Dive Shop - 5 Star PADI Dive Facility - Daily diving, SCUBA instruction and Snorkeling
Caribbean Inspired All Natural Condiments & Spice Blends, Over 100 are Gluten Free!
We manage a variety of homes, apartments, condos and commercial properties here on Ambergris Caye. Our minimum lease on ALL properties is six months.
Click for Ian Anderson's Caves Branch, Welcome to a World of Adventure
Lil Alphonse has snorkel equipment to fit anyone as well as Marine Park Tickets and flotation devices to assist those not as experienced.
Coastal Xpress offers a daily scheduled ferry run to most resorts, restaurants and private piers on the island of Anbergris Caye. We also offer  private and charter water taxi service.
March
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 31
Cayo Espanto
Click for Cayo Espanto, and have your own private island
More Links
Click for exciting and adventurous tours of Belize with Katie Valk!
ShoutChat Box
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 164 guests, and 0 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums44
Topics73,705
Posts486,593
Members19,816
Most Online4,377
Dec 15th, 2020



AmbergrisCaye.com CayeCaulker.org HELP! Visitor Center Goods & Services San Pedro Town
BelizeSearch.com Message Board Lodging Diving Fishing Things to Do History
BelizeNews.com Maps Phonebook Belize Business Directory
BelizeCards.com Picture of the Day

The opinions and views expressed on this board are the subjective opinions of Ambergris Caye Message Board members
and not of the Ambergris Caye Message Board its affiliates, or its employees.

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1