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champion #505230 06/15/15 03:20 PM
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Posts: 1,925
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Reality..What a concept!
champion #505392 06/21/15 06:58 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,925
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Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,
I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"




Reality..What a concept!
papashine #505496 06/25/15 07:28 AM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
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YOU JUST GOTTA LOVE A MARINE !

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school
teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was
required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately,
the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest
students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new
teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be
testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy
classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the
tie to his chest.



Dead silence...
The rest of the year went very smoothly.


"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
champion #505601 07/01/15 09:10 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
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Fourth of July reflection :



The 4th of July!!

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men
who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors,
and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.
Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army;
another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or
hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes,
and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists.
Eleven were merchants,
nine were farmers and large plantation owners;
men of means, well educated,
but they signed the Declaration of Independence
knowing full well that the penalty would be death if
they were captured.
Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and
trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the
British Navy. He sold his home and properties to
pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British
that he was forced to move his family almost constantly.
He served in the Congress without pay, and his family
was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him,
and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer,
Walton , Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that
the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson
home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General
George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed,
and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed.
The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying.
Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill
were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests
and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his
children vanished.
So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and
silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they
paid.

Remember: freedom is never free!


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
champion #505605 07/01/15 11:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 371
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That's very sad and very true. It sure " ain't no joke"


A little known fact... Women who are overweight tend to live longer than men who mention it...
champion #505610 07/01/15 07:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,563
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If you go forth on the 4th
with a fifth
You may not live
to go forth on the 5th.


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
ScubaLdy #505611 07/01/15 10:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
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Originally Posted by ScubaLdy
If you go forth on the 4th
with a fifth
You may not live
to go forth on the 5th.

thats cute Harriette


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
champion #505624 07/02/15 10:52 AM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,563
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I look forward to saying this every year.


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
champion #505677 07/04/15 04:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,563
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Here's an oldie but goodie that my brother just sent -


A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from
her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,
he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant , about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he
wants to use this as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink
elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'


(folks, your gonna luv this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's
a Rolling Stone.'



(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are...)



Never take life too seriously!

Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!


Have a great day. . . Cheers.


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
champion #506053 07/22/15 08:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
OP Offline

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.



The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.



The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.



The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes.
The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up!





Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
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