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#515670 - 06/29/16 09:15 PM much needed laugh time  
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,464
ScubaLdy Offline
ScubaLdy  Offline

I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and
Waterford crystal glasses.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest came in. I said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

He replied: " You moron, you're on my side."

Take only pictures leave only bubbles
#515681 - 06/30/16 12:08 PM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 133
RobertJ Offline
RobertJ  Offline
Ok, a little more R-Rated (but not bad):

Three kids are feeling frustrated, walking along the streets of Boston.
One says, "We gotta get some girl action goin'here"
Another of the boys responds with, "Lemme go into confession here at the church"
The other kids say "Wahhhhh???"

Anyway, he goes into the confessional, and tells the priest, "Fada, I've been bad....I had carnal relations with a girl"
The Priest says," Oh my son, it was with that McCurdy girl, wasn't it?"
The boy said, "I can't tell you that kinda thing"
The Priest comes back with, "Ok, it musta been that O'Leary girl, right?"
And the boy said, "Fada, I can't tell you stuff like that".
Finally, the Priest asks, " Ok, I KNOW it was the O'Hearly girl, wasn't it?"
The boy said, "Fada, I gotta go...I can't talk behind anyone's back."

The boy left and rejoined his friends, and they asked, "What happened??"

Their friend said, "Nothing but I got three great possibles!!!

Last edited by RobertJ; 06/30/16 12:12 PM.
#515686 - 06/30/16 07:11 PM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,992
ragman Offline
ragman  Offline
I laughed a little of the last two jokes and others on this theme but I wonder why Christian jokes are common but you never read or hear a joke about Islam? Jews, Christians, Buddhism and some others fair game, others not so much. Just wondering, I'm a Christian and don't take offense to these jokes.

My barber on Back St. is Lebanese as is my wife (though she is a Lebanese Christian Mennonite). He knew this because he has talked with her and one day in the shop in front of several people in there he asked me if I had ever visited Lebanon and how beautiful it is. I immediately told him that I haven't went to Lebanon nor would I allow my children to visit because "you people play too rough." The whole place started giggling and two of the guys near me had to cover their faces while others turned their heads. Why is a reference like that enough out of bounds that the others had to try to hide their reaction? That really isn't a question, I already know the answer.

Formerly from somewhere on a beach in Belize
#515688 - 06/30/16 08:45 PM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 371
Shyboy Offline
Shyboy  Offline
Jim: To try to steer this on a correct path let me tell you about the Rabbi and Priest on their way to an ecumenical council. The Rabbi couldn't resist asking the priest if he had ever lapsed and had relations with a woman.. The Priest admitted that yes, once, and he had really regretted it ever since. The priest was curious and asked the Rabbi if he had ever tasted ham... The Rabbi admitted it..... A little while later the Rabbi asked the priest " Wasn't sex a lot better than a ham sandwich?"

None of these jokes are PC but most are funny. Did I tell you about the blind seal who walked into a gay bar?

A little known fact... Women who are overweight tend to live longer than men who mention it...
#515690 - 07/01/16 04:05 AM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,992
ragman Offline
ragman  Offline
smirk Peter, I think you better hold off till I see you again for that last joke but you did make me smile. Have a good happy weekend. laugh

Formerly from somewhere on a beach in Belize
#515700 - 07/01/16 08:08 AM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 5
COTraveler Offline
COTraveler  Offline
Doctor comes into the examination room and tells his elderly patient, "I have bad news. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's. The elderly man responds, "At least I don't have cancer".

#515758 - 07/04/16 08:04 AM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 12,162
elbert Offline
elbert  Offline
A Dung Beetle walked into a bar,'Is this stool taken?'.

The Dive Shops Daily Blog
#515760 - 07/04/16 09:26 AM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 133
RobertJ Offline
RobertJ  Offline
One last Catholic joke (low-hanging fruit):

A lady has a "guest" over while her husband is gone. Of course, it doesn't take long for hubby to return, at which point she shoves the guest and her young son into a closet until she can gain control.

The little boy says, "Wow, it sure is dark in here!!" The guest reply, "Here, take $5 and keep quiet.."

Later in the week, the lady and her son are shopping, and the boy pulls out a $5 bill to pay for a toy; his mother asks, "Where did you get that money?". His response is, "Oh, from a guy I met."
His mother says, "You're not supposed to take money from strangers. Now, go into the confessional and set things right."

Which he does.

In the confessional, the boy says, "Wow, it sure is dark in here."
And the the priest says, "You're not gonna start THAT shit again!!."

Last edited by RobertJ; 07/04/16 09:28 AM.
#515796 - 07/06/16 12:41 PM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 13
MikeRH Offline
MikeRH  Offline
thanks for the laughs - you folks are quite funny - my hope is that in San Pedro we don't have to too much about all the PC stuff going on in the rest of the world

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so .....
#515879 - 07/11/16 04:49 AM Re: much needed laugh time [Re: ScubaLdy]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 12,162
elbert Offline
elbert  Offline
An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. "Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied. "The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist. "They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious. Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday." "True, senor," agreed the waiter. "You see the bull, he does not always lose."

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