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Another joke!

Posted By: Tomie

Another joke! - 01/05/01 05:21 AM

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!

1. Ahhh...I see the f**k up fairy has visited us again.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Posted By: Sandshaker

Re: Another joke! - 01/05/01 08:15 AM

Creation of World - Modern Version

1. In the beginning GOD created the
Bit and the Byte. And from those
he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the
Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from
the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be;
And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to
their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and
hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers
be, so there would be a place to
put floppy disks and hard disks
and compact disks. Thus God created
computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But
God created programs; small and big...
And told them - Go and multiply
yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the
Programmer;
And the Programmer will make
new programs and govern over the
computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer;
and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer
the Catalog Tree and said You can use
all the volumes and subvolumes
but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for
the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer's
body and created a creature that would
look up at the Programmer; and admire
the Programmer; and love the things
the Programmer does; And God called
the creature: The User.

9. And the Programmer and the User
were left under the naked DOS and it
was good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the
other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did
God really tell you not to run any
programs?

11. And the User answered - God told
us that we can use every program
and every piece of Data but told
us not to run Windows or we will
die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How
can you talk about something you did
not even try. The moment you run
Windows you will become equal to God.
You will be able to create anything
you like by a simple click of your
mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits
of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw
that any knowledge was useless -
since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows
on his computer; and said to the
Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately
started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you
looking for? And the Programmer
answered - I am looking for new
drivers because I can not find them
in the DOS. And God said - Who told
you that you need drivers? Did you
run Windows? And the Programmer said -
It was Bill who told us to!

16. And God said to Bill - Because of
what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures. And the User
will always be unhappy with you.
And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because
of what you did, the Windows will
disappoint you and eat up all your
Resources; and you will have to
use lousy programs; and you will
always rely on the Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer -
Because you listened to the User
you will never be happy. All your
programs will have errors and you
will have to fix them and fix them
to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data
Center and locked the door and secured
it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
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