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As I opened my 90th email of the day I realized that I was going to have to "recruit" help from the message board regulars to answer it. So if you are a board regular or just bored- Have a go at it! As received:

Some of the questions previously sent and not answered

If your place is in the top 5 on the caye, who are the other 4?

Where are you in price and location in relation to the others? (I am not one to pay the highest price because it is the highest.)

Do the others offer the same snorkeling trips at similar prices?

New questions

What are the disadvantages/advantages to visiting in mid Feb or early Mar? Which would be better?

For air travel from the mainland, is it necessary to book in advance?

Is the flight price the same whether you or I schedule the flight?

Is there a water taxi from the mainland? If so, what is the cost and how long does it take? Is there an advantage to using water taxi?

I assume the advantages of air travel are less time and the view, any others?

May I arrange your snorkel tours from the resort?

How much time before the tour must I register?

Do your snorkel tours leave from the resort?

Is snorkel equipment available for use at the resort?

Is snorkel equipment included in the tours?

If so, how is the equipment cleaned?

May snorkel equipment be purchased on the island?

If so, how much is it?

Regarding the manatee tour, does one swim with the manatee?

What is the % chance of swimming/snorkeling with dolphins?

Is there a chance at the resort, or would a tour be better?

If a tour would be better, which one?

Please provide a description of the Blue Hole Snorkel and Turneffe Elbow tours.

How are they different from the others?

What makes them worth it?

What different experiences/sights do they provide, if any?

How are the Blue Hole and Turneffe Elbow different?

Is there a tour that combines the Blue Hole and Turneffe Elbow?

Why is there no snorkel trip to Lighthouse Reef?

Where can I rent a bicycle?

How long does it take to walk to the lagoon?

For lodgers, what is the included breakfast menu?

(Name withheld)
You want honest answers to these questions or the normal wise cracks and politically correct statements?

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN WITH THIS ONE! laugh wink :p
Copy that......and paste it on an e mail to the resort of your choosing....or 5 resorts if you like............
my reply.... sorry we are booked solid for the next 5 years!! laugh
Geez, Tim - you must have the patience of a saint - makes me regret some of the emails I've sent ya wink Just email em the link to this board and tell em to search.
For fun - here's my answers to the ones I know IMHO
Answers to Questions previously sent and not answered:

1. Depends on who you ask
2. Moderately priced.
3. For the most part, Yes

Answers to New questions:

1. disadvantages/advantages are dependent on your perspective - mid Feb or early Mar is still considered high season thus more crowded, but it is not hurricane season.
2. Not necessary, but a good idea
3. Yes
4. Yes, approx $15US each way, 1 hr 15 minutes, again, advantage dependant upon perspective
5. View from water taxi is also beautiful, some think air is better in inclement weather
6. Yes
7. Generally the day before is sufficient, may want to allow more time in high season
8. Yes
9. No
10. For an added fee
11. You will need to check with each operator
12.
13.
14. No
15. Varies, but slim
16. Not at the resort, a tour will increase chances
17. Dependent on season
18. Please check the Monkey Business Travel Shop website
19. See 18
20. See 18
21. See 18
22. See 18
23. See 18
24.
25. Many places on the island,
26. Approximately 15 minutes
27. Varied breakfast menu; Banana Beach breakfast includes eggs, pastries, fruit, juice & coffee
In my experience with Belize Expeditions people who were that concerned about pre-planning every single minute of their vacation rarely enjoyed their vacation. No matter what lengths you go to satisfy their needs they'll always find some fault and it will always be yours because "you told me"... Belize is probably not the place for them, they should probably head to an all inclusive somewhere else in the Caribbean and even then they'll complain that the items in the gift shop weren't part of the package.
Tim, my friend...... I have never known you to fail to have an answer, no matter how stupid. I know!
as i was in the service industry for close to 30 years, what simon says is right on. i have seen it so many times, over planning and to many concerns usually are a recipe for disappointment. but what do i know. like simon stated, if one thing on that checklist goes wrong,you are going to get an earfull.jmo
There is not one new question on that list, that has not been asked many times on the Board.

Take it as an outline to develope a General Info Bulletin, that can be sent to all, even if they only email with one question.

Could be a school assignment, the emailer wants you/us to do the homework/research for him.
All of the resorts on the island are set up to plan and schedule tours, diving etc. Some have their own operation and others use one of the local tour/dive companies that they have tried that they and their guests are happy with. All of the resorts have staff set up to answer those questions on a daily basis......If I recommend a resort or touring company someone is going to disagree...it's best if Tim asks those questions of the 4-5 resorts shown on the ambergriscaye website, that he likes the looks of. I like staying in and around town and I have stayed at Banana Beach, The Palms, Woody's, the Exotic Caye, Ramon's and Xanadu...............I like all of those..........I'm sure there are more to add to the list.............Those resorts will set up your tours for you ...the way you want them.....OUT
Clover,

It was a joke- I AM Banana Beach and I have a travel shoppe that helps me answer questions. There were so MANY on this one particular email that I requested the boarders to help answer them...

Tim@BananaBeach
man that one was something. no boilerplate for that sucker
That's what I thought. If you want to find out you are wrong just ask the board!
Hey Tim are you related to Job (bible)?
Tim......Never knew your last name....sorry.....but I'm "really" sorry you have to answer these questions. Straight up.....I'd pretend I couldn't speak english!
Pues abrí mi 90.o email del día realicé que iba a tener que "reclutar" ayuda de los asiduos del tablero del mensaje para contestarle. �Tan si usted es un tablero regular o apenas aburrido tenga un ir en él! Seg�n lo recibido: Algunas de las preguntas enviadas y no contestadas previamente �Si su lugar está en los 5 superiores en el caye, que es los otros 4? �Dónde están usted en precio y la localización en lo referente a los otros? (no soy uno para pagar el precio alto más elevado porque es el más alto.) �El otros ofrecen los mismos viajes snorkeling en los precios similares? Nuevas preguntas �Cuáles son los disadvantages/advantages a visitar febrero mediados de o marcha a principios de? �Cuál sería mejor? �Que el transporte aéreo del continente, es necesario reserve por adelantado? �Está el precio del vuelo iguales si usted o yo programar el vuelo? �Hay un taxi del agua del continente? �Si es así cuál es el coste y cuánto tiempo él toma? �Hay una ventaja a usar el taxi del agua? �Asumo que las ventajas del transporte aéreo son menos tiempo y la visión, cualquier otros? �Puedo arreglar sus viajes del tubo respirador del recurso? �Cuánto hora antes de que deba el viaje yo colocaron? �Sus viajes del tubo respirador se van del recurso? �Está el equipo del tubo respirador disponible para el uso en el recurso? �El equipo del tubo respirador se incluye en los viajes? �Si es así cómo se limpia el equipo? �Se puede el equipo del tubo respirador comprar en la isla? �Si es así cuánto es él? �Con respecto al viaje del manatee, uno nada con el manatee? �Cuál es el % de la ocasión de swimming/snorkeling con los delfines? �Hay una ocasión en el recurso, o un viaje sería mejor? �Si un viaje sería mejor, que uno? Proporcione por favor una descripción del tubo respirador azul del agujero y el codo de Turneffe viaja. �Cómo son diferentes de los otros? �Qué los hace digno de él? �Qué diverso experiences/sights él proporciona, si cualquiera? �Cómo son el agujero y el codo azules de Turneffe diferentes? �Hay un viaje que combine el agujero y el codo azules de Turneffe? �Por qué hay ning�n viaje del tubo respirador al filón del faro? �Dónde puedo alquilar una bicicleta? �Cuanto tiempo lleva la caminata a la laguna? �Para los huéspedes, cuál es el men� incluido del desayuno? (nombre retenido)

http://babelfish.altavista.com/
�También muchas preguntas en cualquier lengua!
Hi Tim, I get the best question ever, ALL of the time. "SO...have your parachute's not ever opened"???? Amanda...sounds like we should invite Tim for the sharing of the winnings! cool
Nice translation Tim! Doesn't even have a trace of that Northern MidWest accent laugh

I feel for ya bud, my staff & I get the same kind of questions, albeit a different type of biz, everyday. Years ago I started a noetbook of the "world's stupidest questions"...think about it, there's a book to be done!

If ya havent already done so, make up some FAQs & drop into replies. Saves tons of time.

Room at the inn later this winter?
Hey KLC!

February is getting real tight on many dates. March has room to go.

Got some space in January left for anyone that wants to blow out last minute. I'll cut you a deal.

reaper- how does that saying go? Too fat to fly, etc. etc.
Tim can't believe it! I was just going to ask you those same questions! See you in Feb
The guy who asked the questions needs a mommy!
Thx Tim -

Jan out....need to get staff's winter timeoff worked out so then I can figger out what to do.
Be in touch. Give Sandra a hug.
Simon, time and time again, you always have the best answers..........how in the hell do you do it!! You have logic that goes beyond!! See ya the end of January!
Steve Allen would tell the story of the time he was at a restraunt and asked the waiter what was the soup de jour. The waiter looked puzzeled and went to the kitchen and then returned and said, " sir, the soup de jour IS the soup of the day". confused
Tim: This goes a long way toward explaining why you are running a successful hotel and I am not. I would probably just answer "Go to Cancun and have a nice time, you won't fit in here."
Tim my brother again you are just to funny,you are one sharp ,quick thinking dude..thats why you are such a good businessman ..And a nice person to the living the dream gringo's who pick your hotel to stay. good for you ..keep your sense of humor with you always....
capt, how long you going to be here for? I hear tomorrow, bet you are excited!!
Hey Reaper

Tim is definitely invited. Best hotelier I know. Gave my daughter a part time job and fantastic accommodations for the in-laws visits.

Banana Beach goes from strength to strength under his fine leadership.
Ha haha.... Tim did you tell the person who sent that email that you have to ask the "board" to answer these many and detailed questions? Hahah.....laugh....
I would have said "Sorry, I'm booked" and/or uhhhhh no speaky de English.
Shortcut.....just point that emailer to this Board. Job is done, we will take over.
OK So how do you clean that snorkel gear??? EEEEWWWWWWWEE

TIM, Should we bring bug spray?
Please do! We use it to clean the snorkel gear. Oop's- I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that...
kra z k the capt will be in for 9 days call me we will catch up on things ...long time no see.. 600 9650 or 2062229 .. or see my buddy steve he knows all my plans.. see ya soon babe....
take care there Jeff... have fun buddy!
If your place is in the top 5 on the caye, who are the other 4? ....We're number 6 so I don't know what you're talking about.

Where are you in price and location in relation to the others? (I am not one to pay the highest price because it is the highest.).....We're located right next to the highest priced resort and our price is much lower than theirs.

Do the others offer the same snorkeling trips at similar prices?.......No, their snorkel trips are more expensive and much worse.

New questions

What are the disadvantages/advantages to visiting in mid Feb or early Mar? Which would be better?.....Mid Feb and early March are both kind of wintery. Best to come in Mid September, we'll give you a special mid-season rate. You might even be "blown away" by our prices!

For air travel from the mainland, is it necessary to book in advance?....No need to book in advance unless it's the U.S. mainland you're talking about.

Is the flight price the same whether you or I schedule the flight?.....You and I can't schedule the flight, only the airline can.

Is there a water taxi from the mainland? If so, what is the cost and how long does it take? Is there an advantage to using water taxi? ....The cost of the water taxi saves you 50% of the airfare less the taxi to Belize City and the replacement of the expensive evening dress you ruined when that wave washed over the luggage.

I assume the advantages of air travel are less time and the view, any others?..... Tropic Air has movies and in-flight booze service which the water taxis don't have.

May I arrange your snorkel tours from the resort? ....we can arrange someone elses snorkel tours for you from the resort. We don't have snorkel tours of our own. I'm a 40 year old Montana bloke who only recently cut off my teenage pony tail. I considered that exercise enough.

How much time before the tour must I register? .....After you get out of bed and before it leaves.

Do your snorkel tours leave from the resort?...THEY'RE NOT OUR TOURS. They don't leave from the resort but they do pick up people from our resort if we say we like them (the people, not the snorkel tour).

Is snorkel equipment available for use at the resort?....why would you want to wear snorkel gear in your room or the restaurant?

Is snorkel equipment included in the tours?....Not if it's a tour to the Belize Zoo.

If so, how is the equipment cleaned?.....You spit on it and then rub it and put it on. If you don't know how, the snorkel guide will spit on it for you.

May snorkel equipment be purchased on the island? .......Yes, but you have to go to a shop first.

If so, how much is it?.....Don't skimp there...if you want good snorkel gear be prepared to pay top dollar for it. You don't want to spit on cheap stuff.

Regarding the manatee tour, does one swim with the manatee?......Belize has only one manatee?

What is the % chance of swimming/snorkeling with dolphins? 100%. It's a 2 day tour. We arrange everything, flight to Corozal, taxi to Chetumal, bus to Playa Del Carmen, bus tour to Xcaret and 30 minute swim with caged dolphins. Includes hotel (Posada Del Mildew) 8 blocks from the beach in Playa. Just $595.00US per person, dolphin swim $199.00US per person extra.


Is there a chance at the resort, or would a tour be better? .........If there is a chance at the resort please wear a condom.

If a tour would be better, which one? ....a tour would require more than one condom just to be safe.

Please provide a description of the Blue Hole Snorkel and Turneffe Elbow tours. .....I'm a 40 year old recently de-ponytailed Montana guy. Don't be stupid.

How are they different from the others?...... I know this one...at the Blue Hole you snorkel to 130ft. At the Elbow it's just 80ft and you get to snorkel for more than 8 minutes at that depth.

What makes them worth it?.....Meeting the divers who are having an absolutely great time.

What different experiences/sights do they provide, if any?........actually people go to the Blue Hole and The Elbow for that feeling of truly having done nothing worthwhile all day...it's the real "unwind" part of their vacation after busy days of sunbathing on the beaches.

How are the Blue Hole and Turneffe Elbow different?.......You only need one condom for the Blue Hole...your Bottom Time at The Elbow is longer so you need two.

Is there a tour that combines the Blue Hole and Turneffe Elbow? ....no, you'd have to be some kind of pervert to want that one.

Why is there no snorkel trip to Lighthouse Reef?....there IS a snorkel trip to Lighthouse Reef but you have to do the Blue Hole snorkel trip the previous day before they let you on it.

Where can I rent a bicycle?......Joe's Bike Rental. If they're out, China. Millions of them.

How long does it take to walk to the lagoon?.....From Banana Beach less than 5 minutes but don't mind us, keep walking once you get there.

For lodgers, what is the included breakfast menu?......It's a laminated sheet with food items and prices on it.
Now that is funny.
No Chloe... that is hysterical!
You're right Isle.
My side HURTS!!! laugh laugh laugh :p
Personally I am disgusted that Chris has taken a serious topic and turned it into a joke-I think that many important questions were asked here and should be answered by someone (like SimonB-an expert who should always be obeyed and listened to)who knows how important it is to be told thatr anywhere other than A/C is a place to visit.
earlier in February is good, because Lobster season is still open. I've been there jan, feb & mar, but love the lobster beach bar b ques. Go out with Tulu, he will show you a good time for !~$50 for the day. We went out yesterday - - snapper, lobster, baracuda...yummy.
Wow Chris, the resort sounds wonderful and the personal service beyond compare.

I'll take 2.
Personally if it weren't for Chris I would have never known about the inflight cocktails and movies. Are these Short Subjects? or full length features? And most importantly do the stewardesses wear leis? eek
Just don't refer them to me! wink
Yes the stewardesses do lei, that's why Chris recommends the 2 condom package.
SPIT! EEEEEEWWWWWWWEEEEE AGAIN!

i find it very difficult to snorkel at 130 ft but i will indeed remember the condoms. i do not want david getting pregnant. :rolleyes:
Very clever and funny responses, Chris!
Funny stuff Tim and Chris. Nice application of sarcastic wit Petey. The Belikins are flowin today.
I agree Gay... don't want David pregnant... Eeeewww can you even imagine the birth... very small baby. eek
Chris.... esta muy bien!
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