She was Sooooooo Blonde

Posted By: LaurieMar

She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 12:44 AM

Okay, not to offend any blondes - my best buddy is one, but some of these are funny:

She was Sooooo Blonde:

She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought Boys II Men was a day care center.
At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius".

She was Sooooooo Blonde. . .

She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate".
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooo Blonde. . .

She studied for a blood test.
When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
She thought she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Posted By: deacon+

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 12:49 AM

TOOO FUNNY, thanks
Posted By: klcman

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 12:51 AM

Ernie pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and slightly rolled down the car windows to make sure his
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and Ernie wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. He walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave him a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in park?"
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 12:52 AM

I hope you didn't send this to Michelle Williams.. eek
Posted By: clover

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 12:57 AM

A young blonde woman in Joliet, Illinois, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the I&M canal. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.

I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
>>From then on, every night he! brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said.
"This is the Empress Casino, and we never leave Joliet."
Posted By: clover

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 01:02 AM

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the Univ. of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Posted By: Belikin Bill

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 01:02 AM

How can you tell a blonde has two brain cells?

Shes pregnant!!
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 01:36 AM

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Posted By: ScubaLdy

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 04:33 AM

Q: Do you know why blonde jokes are so short?
A: So men can understand them.
Posted By: travelqueen

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 04:39 AM

klcman, I thought I had heard them ALL! That was sooooooo funny!

Law, that one cracks me up everytime!
Posted By: Sun&sand

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 11:57 AM

Scubaldy, thanks. Being blonde, I resemble those remarks!!
Posted By: Otteralum

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 01:17 PM
Posted By: lasergod

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 03:54 PM

What's In A Name?
A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive Blonde standing alone.
He approached her and asked her name.

"My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Did your mother give it to you?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most in my life - cars and men."

hey continued to talk and finally she asked, "What's your name"?

"BeerSex,"... he replied
Posted By: travelqueen

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 04:56 PM

Not a blond joke but cute..

You will find this funny if you are 30 or older.

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what
with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill both
ways through year 'round blizzards ... carrying their younger siblings
on their backs... to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a
Straight-A average despite their full-time, after-school job at the
local textile mill.... where they worked for
35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in
hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids ... about how
hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But... Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but
look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I
mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say
it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean,
when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet ...we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves (AIN'T THAT RIGHT LAWCUCUI!!)! There
was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter....with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3s
or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record
store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to
tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and
f@#* it all up! You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just
download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of
"Hustler" at the 7- 11! Those were your options. We didn't have fancy
shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else
called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes
either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be
your boss, your mom, a collections agent, you didn't know!!! You just
had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any
fancy Sony Play station videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We
had the Atari 2600!
With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics
sucked! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen
forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and
faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie
theater there no such thing as stadium seating!
All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you
and you couldn't see you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable
television (Some people did! We had only the 3 channels that came in
from the antenna on top of the house. I thought we were really lucky
when Fox came along and we had 4 channels!), but back then that was only
like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!
You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the
channel and there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday Morning...
D'ya hear what I'm Saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little
brats !
We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up... we had
to use the stove ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn... we had to use
that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You're spoiled, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 05:54 PM

TQ - that cracked me up!
Posted By: clover

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 06:00 PM

A blond co-ed was told by her best friend that a milk bath is very beneficial to the skin. So she calls her milkman and says, “Could you deliver enough milk to my house so that I could take a milk bath?” The milk man takes out his calculator and estimates the amount of milk it would take to fill the bath tub and tells the blond, “You will need 22 gallons of milk.” The blond says, “Perfect, can you deliver tomorrow?” He says “sure, do you want it pasteurized?” She says “no, just up to my [#%!]…I can splash it in my eyes.”
Posted By: Belikin Bill

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/27/06 07:30 PM

I noticed subalady crossed the line on man jokes.

Have you heard about the new morning after pill for men? It changes blood type. smile

Or how about the blonde that got on the elevator with this guy that was a hunk. As the door closes she rips off her blouse and says to him with her breasts exposed "make me feel like a woman"

The guy looks at her for a second then rips off his shirt and tosses by her feet and says "iron that"
Posted By: LaurieMar

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/30/06 09:03 PM

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her: Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes? I will explain why later.:

The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied: "he went that way."

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said: "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun understood.

The GI said: "I hope you don't think me rude, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!" The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go go Iraq either."
Posted By: seashell

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/31/06 06:39 AM

Ooooooh casa, that one's gotta go. Do you know how to use your delete key?
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/31/06 05:57 PM

someone does wink
Posted By: travelqueen

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/31/06 06:01 PM

I wanna see it!! frown
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 01/31/06 06:02 PM

no you don't - wasn't that good
Posted By: LBI Jerseyboy

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/01/06 01:36 AM

Blonde's year in Review...January - took knew scarf back to store because it was too tight....February - fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels (the bottles won't fit in the typewriter)....March-got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 says "2-4 years! April - trapped on escalator for hours....power went out! May - tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets! June - tried to mgo water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - lost breast stroke swimming competition....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August - got locked out of car in rain soaked,because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it??? October - Hate M&M's...they are so hard to peel November - Baked turkey for 4.5 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! December - couldn't call 911...there's no eleven button on the phone! What a year!!
Posted By: deacon+

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/01/06 03:34 AM

Posted By: casa de amor

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/01/06 04:10 AM

I decided to pull it beacuse it was hurtful to some. so thats that
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/01/06 04:38 AM

A BLONDE, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Posted By: LBI Jerseyboy

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/03/06 11:30 PM

Knitting...A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she she was oblivious to his flashing lights, he turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Posted By: LBI Jerseyboy

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/04/06 12:06 AM

At The Doctor's Office....A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed, likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. Finally, the doctor said, "Your not really a redhead, are you"? "Well,no" she said, "I'm actually blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
Posted By: Amanda Syme

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/06/06 10:08 PM
Posted By: Sun&sand

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/07/06 01:36 AM

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.

He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker, if you strike up
a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff---grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do
you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I
haven't the slightest idea!"

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don't know sh**?
Posted By: Ernie B

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/07/06 02:13 AM

NOT FUNNY ! laugh
Posted By: travelqueen

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/09/06 04:19 PM

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Posted By: travelqueen

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/09/06 04:21 PM

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
Posted By: NYgal

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/09/06 04:23 PM

sounds like a duo we may know laugh
Posted By: lasergod

Re: She was Sooooooo Blonde - 02/09/06 10:51 PM

Stranded blonde

A blonde woman is driving along a country road, out in rolling hills of the Midwest, when she sees some movement off in the distance. As she gets closer, she realizes that it is another blonde woman in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing the boat like crazy.

She stops her car at the side of the road and gets out. She yells out to the blonde in the rowboat, "What the &$%# are you doing?" The blonde in the boat, obviously flustered, yells back, "I have got to hurry up and get home in time for dinner or I will be in real trouble!"

The blonde at the side of the road is aggravated. "I can't believe this! You are out in the middle of a field in a row boat! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name!

In fact, if I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your butt!"
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