Cuck Norris

Posted By: Short

Cuck Norris - 07/20/08 06:20 AM

To spice up your Sunday morning:

Most Popular Chuck Norris Facts:
1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

And the runners up are:
# Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
# The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
# There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
# Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
# The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
# Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
# Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

More Chuck Norris Facts here:
Posted By: azbob

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/20/08 03:55 PM

Short,tell us the truth. Do you really like Chuck?
Posted By: Short

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/20/08 11:58 PM

To be very honest I have his poster above my bed, but don't tell anyone... it's a secret.
Posted By: Ernie B

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/20/08 11:59 PM

I kicked his butt back in 1960
Posted By: bywarren

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 12:24 AM

There you go again Ernie, your spelling is horrendous. It is spelled kissed not kicked.
Posted By: Shopgirl

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 12:46 AM

laugh laugh laugh
Don't forget about the ever popular Chuck Norris shot, a shot glass of UV cherry vodka set in a drink glass full of Blue Ice energy drink. I have actually seen this kick some people on their butts!! smile
Posted By: Ernie B

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 12:50 AM

Byron Warren, of Mtn. Home Arkansas, you outed me again !
Posted By: Three_Palms

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 12:58 AM

Does anyone remember when Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee fought in that Bruce Lee movie?
Posted By: Ernie B

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 12:59 AM

I thought it was a Chuck Norris movie.
Posted By: bywarren

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 01:04 AM

Not playing fair Ernie, now the more intellegent people on this board will be able to figure out who bywarren really is. Next I will have to put a more recent photo other than my high school graduation picture.
Posted By: Ernie B

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 01:11 AM

You graduated from H.S. ? Oh, and I forgot to include your phone number, 937-365-8865
Posted By: bywarren

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 01:15 AM

Thanks again, buddy, Semper Fi. You always have my back.

Or maybe that should be rephrased based on your earlier comments. laugh
Posted By: klcman

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 01:20 AM

Bet that guy in Dayton, OH is gonna be happy, too, E! wink
Posted By: Ernie B

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 01:22 AM

Yer gonna git me in the back, aint cha. Oh well, Semper Fi !
Posted By: azbob

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 01:52 AM

Without all of you, life would be boring. All of you crack me up and yes Semper Fi!
Posted By: CB Belize

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 04:47 AM

"Chuck Norris doesn't use a condom, he uses a live rattle snake."
Posted By: Leah-Ann

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 05:15 PM

For some reason I thought this thread was on a completely different topic.
Guess we know which letter this post is not brought to you by... eek
Posted By: pugwash

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/21/08 05:23 PM

Wat te Heck are you talking about ?

Posted By: klcman

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/22/08 01:24 AM

Chuck is so bad that he can back down a grizzly!

(kinda like my ex m-i-l, but she did it on looks)
Posted By: seashell

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/22/08 05:25 AM

What the cuck is going on here?
Posted By: pugwash

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/22/08 05:48 AM

What spell bolor with a "K"... Kolor...I never thought of that, what a silly b**t

Monty Python, the undisputed comedy champions of the world
Posted By: TacoBoy

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/22/08 07:07 PM

a few of my favorites

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

A duckís quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris isnít lactose intolerant. He just doesnít put up with lactoseís crap.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Posted By: elbert

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/22/08 08:07 PM

I asked Chuck Norris if he had ever seen the serial number on a condom. He said No, so I explained to him its on the end, he should roll it all the way out.
Posted By: Short

Re: Cuck Norris - 07/22/08 09:30 PM

Elbert, that is very strange because when I roll out a condom, the serial number always appears half way!
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