This might be a good place to share Stupid Tourist stories.
I'm having a few pile up and need to vent.
It seems more than a few have left their brains at home but my emails from people planning their trips are indicating perhaps this isn't the case at all.
Marty doesn't have enough bandwidth to put all of the stupid things I have been asked over the years.
On CC a girl asked us
"Does the sun always come up on that side of the island?"
I always ask 'Where are you staying?' to avoid spending a lot of time and email exchange with some on who might be on a cruse ship or staying in Placencia.
Yesterday I exchange emails with a lady that wanted to do the Blue Hole,Turneffe, Hol Chan Shark Ray, Lamani and visit Bacalar Chico reserve and what ever other trips I could suggest. She wanted to purchase a package, we exchanged 4 emails and then i discovered shes arriving on the 11th departing on the 13th.
On CC a girl asked us
"Does the sun always come up on that side of the island?"
Yep one of my favorites is 'Do you have sunsets down here?"
her: why is the ocean salty?
me: because fish sweat in it.
Actually Barn, it's cause the fish PEE in it!
:-)
Here are a few
1. A lady who was already staying on Ambergris Caye asked me if she could drive a car from here to Belize City.
2. The question - "When is it Easter here?"
3. A financial planner who gave a seminar on investing on Belize. She was from NYC and flew here via Miami. During her entire presentation she referred to " investing in South America" and being "south of the Equator".
4. Oh your name is Josh? How did you come to have an AMERICAN name? (said tourist seems not to be familiar with the Bible and Joshua?)
One of my all time favorites was a couple coming down a few years ago. We exchanged several emails about the options she had to get to San Pedro from the mainland. After about five emails, she finally told me that they had decided to take the bus.
Good luck sista.....
"How did you get here?"
"On a plane, just like you did."
"Do you like it?"
"No, I'm collecting money to buy a plane ticket out... do you have any extra cash?"
I ALWAYS get that one...
"How long have you been here?"
"10 years"
"Do you like it?"
End of conversation...
"So you must be retired now that you've moved here?" As I am serving her and her husband lattes.
"No I have a job." Gesturing to the surrounding establishment.
"But you really must see this as retirement."
"I don't know where working 6 days a week is considered retirement."
"What made you move down here?".....income tax canada....
More gripes .....
1. Somebody makes an appointment and is either super-late or a no-show and later says something like ....
"Well, figured it's island time, you know?"
2. Asking very inappropriate questions - such as "Are you a dual-citizen?" "Do you pay taxes?" "How much money do you spend living here?"
just what do you do all day?
I was asked all the time if I went fishing and diving every day.
Asked to me, as I stand in a 105 degree kitchen, wearing a soiled chef coat, toiling over the line: "So are you the chef???"
Asked amidst the clamor of the front wait station, servers, bartenders, orders going out, dishes coming in, etc: "So is there a restaurant here???"
I had a sign in the Palapa Bar that had the 10 answers to tourists questions. When they ask I would just point and say "#7"
"How many parachutes will we wear"
"Two, a main and a reserve."
"Have you ever had both parachutes never open?"
"How high will we jump from"?
"13,000 feet."
"Do we have to go that high"?
"Sure, why"?
"Can't we jump from lower"?
"No, why"?
"Well, ummm, if both parachutes don't work we won't have that far to fall."
Everyone exits the plane on jump run except for myself and a person doing a tandem and the instructor, the plane is empty, except for the pilot, and we are last out.
"Are we next"? She asks me.
"How fast do we fall?"
"about 120 mph"
"Geez, that's fast. Do we have to fall that fast?"
"Yes"
"Why"
"It's called gravity"
What part of Mexico is Belize in?
How big is the island of Belize?
Is there a McDonalds or Taco Bell here?
I heard this one the other day at Super Buy South
Customer: Are these prices in US dollars or Belize?
Cashier: All our prices are Belize sir.
Customer: Are you sure because they have a dollar sign in front of them so I thought that meant US.
"I'm a US citizen, you HAVE to give me US change".
Tourist pointing out a Hermit Crab while asking: "Are they wild?".
We had a tourist who upset because the sea was too dangerous to swim in:
She had seen a baby Barracuda "eyeballing" her while she was on the dock.
Have to love our tourists!
"You know what this island really needs".
My favorite statement.
"Is that whitewater out there(pointing to the reef) the Blue Hole"?
"No, it's about 60 miles away".
"If I go up on the roof can I see it from here?"
Had a a tourist leave one day after spending only one night out of a seven night stay. "I didn't think there would be so much sand"
When I lived in LA I had a local ask me if we had Christmas in England. I guess it flows both ways lol.
I love it when people return from a trip to Costa Rica to see the rain forest. Inevitably they complain about the wet weather.
dumb questions often get dumb and wrong answers from the experts here!! Reaper, How far's the blue hole from spr?
One night in our restaurant my son asked me what Tofu tasted like, I told him it tasted like cardboard. Later I asked why and he told me that 2 tourist had asked, did you tell them what I had said? Yes dad you taught me to tell the truth, what did they say nothing they just ordered the Tofu.
27 minutes by Twin Otter;)
I heard some young woman ask if the fish got pissed off if you pee in the water
probably so climbing to 13000. Used to take 18 mins with a twotter from spr.
Twotter, short for Twinwaterotter
Pat gets lost every year, adding a few minutes!;)
How far is it to the Blue Hole from the airstrip on SP, about 52 miles? And yup, 23 on board, the climb and a cloud dodge or two adds a bit.
40nm, point is that the experts here often give miss-information, biased information and strange advise.
But, this is for entertainment!
"I'm the guy that emailed you!"
Got this one this morning...
'Is the 330 price in US dollars or Brazil?'
My all time favourite was years ago working at a dive shop a lady asked me what time the one o'clock boat leaves.
that's not a dumb question in Belize!!!
What time do you want it to leave?
When
I can eat whole tamarind fish again!!!
You will have to talk to Thipaya.
Was working on a liveaboard out of Belize city.... had some lady ask: "is there ocean on the other side of that island?". Here... have a fluffy white towel and a cup of hot chocolate dear....
We always tell guests when they are headed out for a trip, "If they are not early and they are not late, they are not coming"