Dr. Love is the island's and possibly
the world's greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor
answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics.
Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the
Family Services Division at
02-77451.
You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro
Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or e-mail at [email protected]
Dr. Love,
I am going to graduate soon and cannot make up my mind
if I should stay in San Pedro or not. I do not care to be rich but I
would like to have a chance to open my own business and work hard to make
some money so I can get married and have children. When I talk to
business people all I hear them say is how much money they pay in taxes
and that they are always having to donate money to help make things
better on the island so we can make sure we get tourists to come. It
seems that even if I could make some money here I would feel bad if I did
not give it to help build a hospital or something that is needed on the
island. I helped in the bucket brigade during the fire that almost
destroyed the town and it seems that if the town cannot afford to even
buy a fire truck that I might be better off moving somewhere else if I
want to make some money. I don't really want to leave Belize but I don't
want to spend the rest of my life scratching like my parents. What do you
think I should do?
/s/ Torn
Dear Torn,
There's some good news and there's some bad news. The
good news is that the Doctor is getting a raise. The bad news is that it
does not matter where you go, you will still have to scratch for a
living. The illusion of moving somewhere like the U.S. and getting a
good, easy job is exactly that; an illusion. As a matter of fact, most
Belizeans who move to the U.S. or Canada work harder than they would ever
work here in Belize and many of them do not have a lot to show for it.
One exception is those who join the U.S. armed forces and retire after
twenty or thirty years.
None of this means that Belizeans who move away do not
fare well. As a matter of fact, most of them do as well and usually
better than many Americans do. By working hard they realize the American
dream of putting in sixty or eighty hours a week on the job just so they
can buy all of the useless stuff that seems so necessary in the U.S. In
the meantime they get gray hair, debt, ulcers and everything else that
goes along with a life of worry. The real illusion is that of an easy
job. None of them are easy. Furthermore, in the last twenty years,
Americans have started to realize that just because you work for a
company today does not mean that it will still be in existence in twenty
years. Corporate takeovers and buy outs have changed the idea of working
for one company until you retire.
Think about it. Does that really sound like the life
you want?
Dear Dr. Love,
Lately you have been taking a lot of stuff from people
who are unhappy with you. Everyone seems to take the letters so
personally, even when they are obviously a joke. My neighbor is cheating
on her husband and every time you have a letter about this, she thinks
someone is writing about her. Somehow, I get the feeling that you like it
when people get upset, especially if it makes them look foolish. What do
you have to say to being the center of so much controversy about
nothing?
/s/ The Joker
Dear Joker,
Hee, hee, hee.
Dr.
Love,
I have a problem I hope you can help me with. I own a
store and several months ago one of my employees who I thought was a
friend quit. I was sorry to see her go but wished her well. A while later
she opened up her own store and when I went in to see it around Christmas
I noticed she carried a lot of the same Christmas things as me. I
happened to go in before Easter and noticed once again she had a lot of
the same things as me. I have different things in my store that no one
else has because I have a supplier in the US that no one knows about. I
called them up and asked them if she was ordering from them and they said
she was. The only way she could have got their number is if she got into
my desk one day and copied it because nobody in the store knows where I
order from. I called a lawyer and he said there was nothing I could do. I
feel that if she copied my files it is the same is if she stole money or
merchandise from me and should be arrested. Do you have any suggestions
how I can keep this from happening again and do you think a law should be
passed to protect businesses from these kind of
thieves?
/s/ Vexed
Dear Vexed,
Unless you intend to work the business all by
yourself, you eventually must trust someone who works for you to do
important things like ordering. You must leave them alone in the business
and trust them not to steal from you. Morally, a person who steals
information is as reprehensible as a person who steals from the petty
cash drawer but the legality is another question. Even if you could prove
that the person stole the information from your files you will probably
find that they have taken something that you cannot own. You should also
realize that there are many people out there that do not have the
imagination or intelligence to start or operate a business without
stealing or copying from others.
Why not simply move on with your business and search
for another supplier? There are thousands out there who can probably do
it even better and cheaper.
Dear Doctor Love,
Please see if you can help me with my problem. My son
has been married for fourteen years and I love my grandchildren very
much. Six months ago a woman showed up at my son's house with a six
year-old child that she says is his and he did not argue with her. Now,
he has the little girl about two week-ends a month and he expects me to
treat her just like I treat the other grand-children. I have done my best
but it is just hard to accept her even though she resembles my son more
than his other children. My two daughters each have children and I
treasure them as if they were my own. I have prayed about this and tried
to love my son's child but I still favor the ones that I call the "real"
grandchildren. Do you have any words of advice that will make it easier
for me to accept my new grandchild?
/s/ New Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
It is easy to see why you would love your daughter's
children unconditionally. After all, you know for a fact that they are
directly part of your family line. You know that you bore the daughter
and you know that she bore her children. The problem always arises with
the son's children. When you love them, it is with a different kind of
love than the kind reserved for your daughter's children. This kind of
love always calls for a leap of faith. Because the son doesn't bear the
children, then you have to believe that those grandchildren are related
to you. The solution is to try to love this child for the same reason you
love your son's other children. You love them because he believes they
are his.
Dear Doctor Love,
I have been trying so hard to lose weight but nothing
seems to work. The diets I have tried are probably good but it is
impossible to stick to them. Every week there is a wedding or a
quinceaños or a birthday party. The food is always good but it is so
fattening and I can't seem to stay away from it. Is there some kind of
diet that will work on this island? It has to be something special
because things are different here. I lived in Los Angeles for two years
and there might be a party once a month or so. Here, it is every weekend
and sometimes there are two or three in one weekend. Please help.
/s/ Getting Fat
Dear Fat,
The Doctor has personally experienced what you are
going through and can now safely make the following observations. Diet is
only important at one stage of your life. Stage One occurs from the ages
of birth to about twenty-five. During this period you can eat or drink
anything and it will not affect your weight. Unfortunately, your
metabolism changes in the mid-twenties and everything you eat affects
your weight. This begins Stage Two, which lasts for about fifteen years.
During this period, you deny yourself all of the good things to eat, in
hopes of keeping your weight down. When you reach Stage Three, at about
the age of forty, you realize the hopelessness of it all and abandon all
thoughts of diet. Just like in Stage One, you can eat and drink anything
you want. The difference is that you don't care if it affects your
weight.
If you are either entering or are already in Stage
Two, why not forget it and skip straight to Stage Three. After all, you
can only get so fat. The only other solution is to have your jaws wired
shut.
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