Dr. Love is the island's and possibly the world's greatest
authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any
subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or
counseling should contact the Family Services Division at
You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro
Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org
I have been going with the same girl for over two
years. We are not officially engaged but everybody thinks of us as a couple and
they expect us to get married. My girlfriend and I have never even spoke of
marriage but I know she thinks it will happen sometime soon. I want to marry her
but so far I have been afraid to propose to her. What my girlfriend doesn't know
is that she is not the only person I am seeing. There are two other women, both
married, that I visit on a sort of schedule. I see one of them one week and the
other one the next week.
I really love this girl that I am
going with but I cannot seem to stay away from the other two. I care for both of
the other women but I could not say that I love them. Because of our situation I
have even stayed away from them for weeks at a time but I always come back. I
just can't seem to help myself. I know that what I am doing is dangerous but I
am always very careful and so far I have been lucky enough not to get caught. I
am afraid that sooner or later this situation is going to blow up in my face. If
it does I will probably lose my girl and maybe even get physically hurt by
someone. I want to get married and I don't want to lose her. What can I
/s/ Can't Help Myself
playing a dangerous game that can certainly backfire on you. It is not, however,
anything new. This kind of behavior has been going on from the time our society
developed into one of monogamy. Choosing a single mate for life is part of our
accepted behavior but it does not take into account our born drive to reproduce
as much as possible. For some people that drive is so strong that they are
willing to take risks that would be unacceptable to the rest of
What you have to do is assess the situation exactly as
it is and then make your decisions. Ask yourself this: If something happened to
your girlfriend would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with one of
these other women? If the answer was "yes" you would probably have already taken
steps to separate these women from their mates so you could have one of them for
At least you have been wise enough so far to
avoid marriage. Keep avoiding it until you make a decision that you can stick
Dear Dr. Love,
My mother was born
in the United States and even though I have never become a U.S. citizen, I
identify with them very much. Ever since the bombing of the World Trade Center I
have been angry that such an attack could happen. Some people think these things
do not affect Belizeans but right now my family is hurting because of the loss
of tourist business. I would like to join the U.S. Army so I can go and fight
these people who have done such terrible things. I am nineteen years old and in
very good physical shape. Do you think the U.S. could use me for a
rarely turns down young people who want to serve in their armed forces. For many
Belizeans this is an appealing option that gives them a chance to travel while
they are getting paid and see the world that they might never get to otherwise.
If they want U.S. citizenship, it is automatically granted after they have
served in the U.S. services. The educational opportunities are unlimited. If you
join at your age you can be retired by the time you are
On the downside, there are a lot of people out there
with weapons and they would like to kill anyone wearing the U.S. uniform.
Overall, though, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The chances that you would
ever see combat are extremely slim. For every soldier who actually fires a gun
there are ten soldiers playing support roles. These jobs range from truck
drivers, mechanics and cooks to lawyers and ministers.
You are young. It could be your life's greatest adventure.
I returned to the island this morning after
beating a hasty retreat to the mainland when we started getting hurricane
warnings. I really did not want to go but after surviving Hurricane Keith, I had
no desire to have my family face another Category 4 hurricane. In the two days
we were in Belize City, we spent most of the money I had saved up for an
I think that if we are going to live on this
island our government should think about building a hurricane proof shelter that
would hold up to anything nature can throw at us. Only then will we be able to
survive September and October in peace.
The Doctor will let you in on a secret. There is
no such thing as a hurricane proof building. The strength and vagaries of nature
are such that no such building is possible. After all, we have seen that
hurricane forces can cut an island entirely in half. What would stop it from
washing away the very island that a hurricane-proof building's foundation is
You should start saving up again for
next October. The Doctor does not see government parting with any of "their"
money to build a decent shelter in San Pedro or anywhere else soon, after all,
elections are coming.
Dear Doctor Love,
spends a lot of time buying clothes. She buys them from the house money that I
give her and she seems to get a new dress or something every week. When I ask
her how she can afford it she says that she does it with payments to the
boutiques. She gives them a little bit each week until it is paid for. When I
really started digging, I found that she is spending $25 to $30 a week on
clothes. I only give her $100 for the house money but she is always finding an
excuse to get more, like the children have to have special things for school.
Sometimes she comes to me and says she needs to buy a new dress or something and
I give her the money.
I don't really mind if she buys
clothes but she is spending a lot of our weekly budget on them. If we went out
all of the time I can see how she might need them, but we only go out once or
twice a month. I think what really bothers me is that she has been doing this
without telling me for a long time. I am starting to think that she is maybe
seeing somebody else because what she wears does not really matter to me. I
always think she looks good. This has been on my mind a lot lately. Do you think
I should worry about this?
Here is a news flash for you. A wife does not
necessarily buy clothes for the benefit of her husband or for any other man. She
buys them so that other women can see them and see how good she looks. You may
not have been noticing every time she wears a new skirt or blouse, but you can
bet that her friends notice.
This is not something that
men understand very well. For most men, clothes are just something you wear to
keep from being naked. There is another group of men who wear clothes to impress
the ladies but men rarely dress for the benefit of other
If you can afford to spend this much of your
household budget each week on her clothes, then you might as well let it ride.
Tell her to keep you informed though, just in case the spending gets out of
What is the deal with the
concrete speed bumps that have been set up all over town? These things are
ridiculous and in some cases they are downright dangerous. I watched a kid on a
bicycle hit the one near the Yacht Club and fall right off his bike. Do we
really need these things? Do they really slow people down?
Dear Bike Rider,
Yes, they slow people down. As
usual, it is the wrong people that must slow down, but it is nothing new. The
Doctor will now give a short science spiel: When an object four inches high
stands in front of a ten inch golf cart wheel, it presents a good sized obstacle
because, after all four inches is 40% of the height of the tire. That golf cart
had better come to a complete stop or risk losing the front end of the
If the four-inch high object confronts a fourteen
inch taxi tire it is about 29% of the tire's height. This is high enough that
the taxis have to at least slow down. This is good, because they are the main
offenders of the speed limit.
When that same object is
placed in front of a forty-inch truck tire it is only 10% of the height of the
tire. 10% is like that truck driving over a small stone in the road. There is no
need to even slow down.
Some good has obviously come from
these "topes" or "sleeping policemen" as they are called in Mexico. They are
called sleeping policemen because they supposedly slow down traffic while
allowing the live policemen to sleep. (For those who cannot tell the difference,
that was a joke.) All of this could be avoided by sticking those guys in the
orange jackets on the street side to ticket speeders.
I have never been very good at taking advice and I
never ask for it. I am getting ready to start a business venture and everyone I
know keeps giving me advice. The friends I have met here tell me I'm crazy to
even think of going into this business but I feel like we have a real need for
it here. Even my mother-in-law, who hardly speaks to me, says that there is no
way this business could work.
I am starting to get really
cranky about this because everyone wants to stick their nose in my business.
Doctor, is there a nice way to tell them to just butt out and leave me to make
my own decisions?
/s/ No More Mr. Nice Guy
There is no nice way to tell people to butt out of
your business. This is a small town and for some reason everyone here seems to
think they are qualified to give you advice. The Doctor even gets paid to give
The best thing to do is to smile politely when people
give you advice. Nod your head and look thoughtful, as if you are pondering this
wonderful advice. Then go out and do whatever you want to do. If your are not
sure how to do this, observe a politician for a few minutes; they are experts at