Dr. Love is the island's and
possibly the world's greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor
answers questions on almost anything except religion and politics. Persons
needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services
Division at 02-77451.
You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro
Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or e-mail at email@example.com
I read a letter to the editor a few weeks ago
from a visitor complaining about how much the island has changed. It has changed
a lot in the last few years but it doesn't seem so bad to me. Am I missing
/s/ Canada Girl
Many San Pedro visitors go back home thinking of it as
their special little place. There is nothing wrong with this except that some of
them think they discovered Paradise a decade ago and come back thinking it is
going to be exactly the way they left it.
They remember a
little fishing village of sand streets, crude little thatch huts, water from
cisterns, few telephones and no vehicles. They are appalled to find that we
frequently have running water. We have electricity more often than not. We have
telephones, albeit the most expensive in this hemisphere. We have vehicles, such
as they are. We live here and we need these things.
first people to complain are those who would not live for two hours without
these conveniences at home yet they are horrified to think that we have them
here. If they were in hell and Saint Peter took them to heaven for ten years
they would come back and bitch about the changes that took place in hell while
they were gone.
Dear Doctor Love,
Can you tell me a way to get out of a relationship without causing a lot of
problems? I have had the same girlfriend for nearly two years without any kind
of a break. When I first met her I thought she was the best thing that could
ever happen to me. I was very jealous of her. I treated her bad to make sure she
stayed with me.
Now I don't want her. It is not that I
want somebody else; it is just that I don't want her. She is fat and she does
not take care of herself the way she used to. She used to get dressed up and
would be the best looking girl in any room but now she just looks fat. I have
tried to talk to her about us seeing other people but she just pretends like she
does not even hear me when I say these things. I have tried to talk to her about
being fat but she says she is not really fat, she just has a few extra pounds.
She is only twenty years old and if she is this fat now she will be even bigger
in ten years.
We are not married and we do
not live together but she will not let me be. I have tried not seeing her but
she finds me and acts like nothing ever happened. If I am out with my friends
she just joins us and sits down because she knows I will not make a big fuss. I
am afraid to ask other girls out because I have the feeling she will just join
us and act like she belongs there.
How can I get out of
/s/Not Jealous Anymore
Now you know how Doctor Frankenstein felt when he
built his monster and it turned on him. When you successfully change people to
fit you they do not usually turn out quite the way you expect them
Try explaining to her that you made a mistake. Tell
her you are sorry but you cannot see a life for the two of you together. Then
find someone else to start dating. Do not take the new girl anywhere the old
girlfriend can find you. If you can successfully do this for a couple of months
maybe she will get the idea.
There is a person I know that I have considered to
be a friend. I have only known her for about a year and the more I know her the
more she scares me. She thinks about the weirdest things you can imagine. She
has some of the strangest ideas about sex and marriage that I have ever heard
of. She is not religious at all and she claims she is an atheist. She got
pregnant and had an abortion and she told me that she does not see anything
wrong with it. She says she made a mistake and there is no reason why she should
have to pay for that mistake for the rest of her life. I explained to her that
abortion is wrong because it is really killing. She has all kinds of reasons why
it is not.
I talked to my husband about this and he says I
should quit being friends with her because she is so different from everyone
else. He says that people like her are nothing but trouble. I need to decide
what to do because I really like this friend. Some of the things she says scares
me but a lot of them make sense. What should I do?
Whatever you do, do not listen to
your husband about this. This is not your husband's friend. She is your
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
What is normal though, varies from person to person and from family to family. The ideas and experiences of the people in
our family shape us as we are growing up.
friend. You might find that a lot of her ideas make more sense than
Dear Doctor Love,
last week's article in the San Pedro Sun about
the free voice mail message service that BTL is giving to their customers. I
think it is another way for them to rip off the Belizean
If BTL really wanted to give us more
"Value of voice" why don't they give us free caller ID instead of voice mail?
That way if you call someone and they are not there your number is recorded with
the time you called and the person could call you back when they check their
box. That way consumers are only charged for completed calls instead of wasting
money getting a message service and still not being able to leave a
You must be new to these parts. The bottom line
with this monopoly is squeezing out profits in any way possible. Common "cents"
means nothing in their quest for dollars. This is just another way BTL is
showing you whose interest they are serving. Also, they have not figured out how
to get cellar phone numbers to show up on caller ID.Dear Doctor
this boy for almost three years. I don't think I love him the way he's suppose
to be love. I don't even think I love him. He is more than nice to me, gives me
everything and would give up everything for me. Trust me!
Furthermore he even said "he'll kill himself
if I leave him." I don't believe a word he says. I grow up thinking most men
just use you to get what they want. I witness it with friends and family
members. This is my first boyfriend and I don't believe in cheating or
family and friends love him and his family loves me. If I happen to meet the man
of my dreams, I'm afraid he doesn't love me the way this man does. He has all
the quality I ever wanted in a man but my love for him is simply not strong
Just the fact that you think about these kinds of
things tells the Doctor that you deserve a better future than you will have with
He has already proven himself a manipulative liar just
by threatening to kill himself if you leave him. You sense this about him
because you say you don't believe a word he says. You're right. If you left him
he would create great dramatic scenes but he probably would not kill
When people try to manipulate you they are trying
to get something that they want. They do not have the slightest care for what
you might want or what you might need. Successful manipulation is control and it
takes many forms. Babies learn it at an early age by crying for what they want.
If that works, then they learn that screaming and throwing fits can get what
crying does not get. At some point they often discover that hitting someone can
get what they want. At each step, as the parent gives in, the child's sense of
control grows. It should grow. They have proved to themselves that crying,
screaming and physical abuse gets what they want in a personal relationship.
Those who are really good at it discover that withdrawing
and acting distant can accomplish the same things. The parent becomes concerned
with the withdrawal and gives in. Once again, manipulation
When manipulators reach pre-adolescence they
discover that this kind of behavior does not work with everyone. Their friends
and acquaintances laugh at them if they try this kind of thing on the football
field or when they are playing together. If they strike someone to get what they
want, chances are that a bigger person will make them pay by hitting them back.
Yet, it still works at home. From this, the manipulator concludes that
manipulation works best in personal relationships, such as boy or girlfriends
A person who marries a manipulator like this
is in for a life of misery.
When the manipulator has
exhausted all of the tools in his manipulation tool chest, like crying,
screaming and hitting they often go for the big gun; The Suicide Threat. This is
the big manipulation tool. If you do not fall for it, they have proved that you
do not really care. Suicide itself its the biggest and final manipulator's tool.
After all, what is it but a way of attempting to alter the behavior of others?
Your boyfriend has already pulled this
Suicide Threat tool out for you and showed you that it is in his bag of
Get him some help (02-77451) and then get as far
away from him as you can.
Yesterday a big yellow cement truck came down the
street past the freight office for Tropic Air. It was traveling at a speed that
would be dangerous even for a car on this island. Because it was Sunday there
were few people on the streets but if it was a weekday, my child, and very
possibly yours, would have been traveling Coconut Drive by the grammar school.
There is no need for this kind of speed on this island or in any town with
small, narrow streets.
As I walked on towards Barrier Reef
Drive I met two policemen and I told them about it. One of them looked at me
like I was from another planet and nodded his head while I told him the story.
The other one stared out into space. When I finished, they walked away laughing
to each other.
I feel like this is a serious matter that
deserves consideration. We are at the height of tourist season and we do not
need these big, ugly trucks flying down our streets.
complain long and loud enough to the town council, they can exert pressure on
the police to do something. If you just complain to a policeman, you might be
talking to a young rookie who has no idea that it is actually his duty to see
that these trucks do not violate safety rules. A young policeman who has been on
the force for only a few months cannot possible know all there is to know about
Of course, there is a transportation department
and these people are experts on transportation law but they have really
important things to do, like make sure all the golf carts are parked on the
right side of the street. They also have to be sure that two people at a time
are not riding on those dangerous bicycles where someone could get