Dr. Love is the island's and
possibly the world's greatest authority on just about everything. The
Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or
politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should
contact the Family Services Division at
You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box
35, San Pedro Town, Belize, fax 226-2905 or e-mail at sanpdro
Dear Doctor Love,
My husband and I run our business together and we
quarrel all of the time about it. It is not that we really mean to. It is
just that we get started on something and neither one of us will let it
go. He is a nice man but he is not very well educated and sometimes he
says or does stupid things, especially with our employees that just drive
me crazy. I try to show him that it is wrong to think that way. Then we
get in a big argument and it never seems to end. He says the problem is
that I like to talk just to hear myself, but that is not it at all. The
real problem is that I am better educated than he is and I can think
things through. He likes to just do something even if it is wrong. Then
he will stand by it no matter what. This is wrong. Everyone makes bad
decisions at some time in their life, but I think you have to be able to
recognize when you make a bad decision and change what you are doing. I
am tired of telling him I told you so and I am tired of fixing up his
He does not understand some really simple things like
why we should buy everything in bulk or in whole cases to save money. I
have explained it but he does not understand why we should price things
at a little bit less than the competition. He says that we should not
have to sell things for less
than anyone else.
Another problem that we have is that he works very
hard and he expects everyone who works for him to work as hard as he
does. The only reason we have any employees is because I am always
cleaning up some mess that my husband has made with them. I know I could
stop most of our arguments just by agreeing with him even if what he does
or says is stupid. But I feel like if I do not at least put up a fight he
will ruin every thing we have worked so hard for. Please help me figure
out how to deal with this problem.
/s/ Tired of arguing
Ignorant people do not know they are ignorant and do
not understand if you tell them they are ignorant. The only way the
Doctor sees to deal with
this problem, is to work around it.
For example, if your husband does not understand when
you tell him the
advantages of buying in bulk, write it down. Don't try to tell him in
On a piece of paper, write down the cost of items
bought in bulk versus items bought in small quantities. Do the math and
show him the difference in dollars. If you make it so he can understand
it easily, he will find it hard to argue about it. You will be amazed at
how well this works. It takes the argument away.
If this works, try it with other things. Write down
how much you think it costs to train an employee to work for you. Try to
show him on paper that sometimes it is better to keep someone even if
they have faults. After all, you've kept him.
I have a friend who is what you would call a
"know-it-all". She seems to have the answer to every question about any
subject that comes up in conversation. What she has to say about things
usually sounds pretty good but when you start listening to her closely,
you realize that she really does not know what she is talking about. She
is always giving advice to other people about how to run their lives and
yet her life is all screwed up.
The other day we were with a group of people and one
of the women at our table started talking about the troubles that she is
having with her husband. She thinks her husband is having an affair. My
know-it-all friend started giving her all of this advice about how to
find out if her husband is sneaking around on her. I almost laughed out
loud because I know for a fact that the woman who was complaining about
her husband is having an affair with my know-it-all friend's husband. I
started to say something but then I looked around the table at the other
three women sitting there, and I could tell by the way they were looking
that they knew it, too. I kept my mouth shut but it is killing me not to
tell her. I am afraid that some day it will just pop out while we are
having a conversation.
Should I just go ahead and tell her and
get it over with?
Not if you want to keep her as a friend. Let her find
out on her own because otherwise she will just be angry and embarrassed
if you tell her.
She will always associate you with the affair because you knew about it.
It's best to say nothing.
A wise man once said that the real art of conversation
is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Dear Doctor Love,
I have been dating a woman for about two months now. She is a
woman but she is quite a bit overweight. Her weight does not bother me at
all and I never even thought about it when I first started seeing her. I
am dating her because she is intelligent, well educated and she is an
excellent companion. I thought it did not make any difference to her
either because she never mentions her size at all. Although she does not
make any comments about her own size she does not hesitate to mention the
size of almost every other woman she sees. If she sees a woman who is the
right weight for her height she points her out and talks about how she
would look so much better if she had a little more meat on her bones. If
she sees a woman who is thin, like a photographer's model she says that
she looks really sick and unhealthy. She never says anything about a fat
woman she sees unless she is fatter than her. Then she says that woman is
So far, this has caused me to start looking at other women differently
and doing the same for the one I am with. She pointed out a few women
that she thought were pretty, but too thin, and I noticed that these
women would not be too thin for the foldout in
Playboy. Then I started noticing that
this woman I am dating is overweight. She is not grossly fat or anything
like that but she is definitely more than just plump. If she was trying
to make herself look good it has certainly backfired. Now, every time she
says that a woman is sickly looking or too thin I know I am getting ready
to see a good-looking woman.
What would make her act like this? Up until now I have been quite
comfortable with her just the way she
is. /s/ The Boyfriend
Your girlfriend has a real problem with her self-esteem. She is
obviously very conscious that she is overweight and she probably thinks
that you are conscious of it also. She seems to think that by pointing
out flaws in other people it will make you think that she looks better.
Her strategy obviously is having the reverse effect since you are looking
at women more critically now and finding that some of them look pretty
The next time she points out some woman who is flawed by her standards
and that you find attractive, why don't you tell her so? If you just
agree with her she will think that her methods are working and
will keep on doing it. After you disagree with her a few times and you
are still around, perhaps she will realize that her weight does not
Dear Doctor Love,
I have friend that I am very worried about. She meets guys who are here
on vacation and she spends the whole time that they are here with them. I
have talked to her about how dangerous it is to have sex with a lot of
different people. She says that she practices safe sex and she is not
worried at all about any kind of disease.
I have tried to point out that it is morally wrong to sleep with so
men. She says that her morals are her business. She goes out to dinner
them and I don't think she has ever bought a drink for herself. She sort
of lives with them for a week or so while they are here. I have tried to
explain to her that what she does is almost like prostitution except that
she doesn't get paid for it. All she gets is dinner and to me that just
makes her a cheap prostitute.
According to her, what she gets out of it is good company and a lot
sex. If they are not good company she will drop them and move on to
another very quickly. The odd thing is, that once they are gone she never
seems to think about them and she has nothing else to do with them.
Sometimes they will call her from their homes and she usually just has me
tell them that she is not here. Sometimes she will talk to them but she
does not want to go visit them or see them, even when they offer to buy
her a ticket.
When I try to talk to her about how wrong this is, she just tells me it
is her business and for me to mind my own. What should I do?
You should do exactly as she says. Mind your own business as long as it
does not interfere with your life at home. It sounds like she is doing
same thing that hundreds of guys in this country do with tourist women.
When they do it, it is known as hustling.What they do is acknowledged
with a sort of a sly wink and a nod, almost of approval. Everyone knows
it happens, even the wives of the hustlers who are married. The attitude
seems to be that if these women are foolish enough to give themselves
away, why shouldn't someone take advantage of it? The hustlers are
usually after both money and sex. At least your friend only wants sex and
company. Leave her alone.