Dear Doctor Love,
I have been reading your column for over six years now and if I remember correctly this is the first time you have taken a vacation in all of that time. What did you do that was exciting?
/s/ Faithful Reader
Oh, the usual. Two days were spent with the top official of a large country to the north of here where the Doctor assured that official that confession was good for the soul. In addition to the Doctor's usual fee the official rewarded the Doctor with a box of good cigars, explaining that he had no need for them anymore. Three days were spent in Rome begging the top official there to relax his views on birth control. The Doctor has made some recent acquaintances on this island who have renewed the Doctor's belief that there is a crying need for contraceptives. The rest of the vacation was spent taking naps.
Dear Doctor Love,
What in the world is going on with the power on this island? Every morning the power is out. When I called BEL they told me that everyone had been informed through their ads on Channel 7 on television. I don't have a television. It was burned out in a power surge. When I did have a television I never watched Channel 7 because it didn't have any programs on it. Who do I complain to about this?
Why doesn't BTL give the San Pedro Sun a copy of the outage schedule? At least we readers would have a clue about what his happening.
/s/ Watts Cooking
That is a good idea but like most good ideas it will probably be ignored. Several weeks ago the Doctor was rushing to pay an electric bill before the power was cut off and then realized there was no way to tell if the power had been cut or not.
I saw all of the destruction from Hurricane Georges on television and it scared me. When is the hurricane season over? Do you think we will have another severe hurricane this year? Should I go visit my cousin in the U.S.?
Here is some good news for you. There is only another month left of the official hurricane season and the chances of another one drop off quickly after the second week in September.
Here is some bad news. Belize's most memorable and destructive hurricane swept through here in late October of 1961. It is not a good idea to visit your cousin if the cousin lives in any of the U.S. coastal states from Texas all the way up to North Carolina. Our track record for hurricanes is a lot better right here.
Dear Doctor Love,
I am going to have a baby and the baby's father is not my husband. I don't know what to do about it because the baby's father is from Salvador and I am afraid that it will not look like any of my other children. I want to have this baby but I am scared my husband will leave me. The baby's father is already married and has children with his wife. What should I do?
Even though it is unnecessary the Doctor is going to chastise you severely for getting yourself in this kind of situation. If you can't control your urges then you should at least be smart enough to use birth control. It is cheap, it is about 95% effective and it will save you from having to write to the Doctor with questions like this.
O.K., to the problem at hand. Read all you can on recessive genes. In some families certain traits like red hair will only show up every few generations. Everyone in the family knows that mama's Tio Pepe had red hair so it does not seem unusual that one of his distant nieces or nephews has red hair. If that baby doesn't look like your husband, you had better start looking for a recessive gene you can blame it on. Maybe he'll buy it.
Dear Doctor Love,
I have visited San Pedro many times in the last ten years but this is the first time I came here in September. Two things really caught my attention on my three-week trip. One is that a lot of the restaurants and hotels were closed in September. Some of my favorite restaurants were closed. The other notable thing is that it was unbelievably hot. Is September the slowest month of the year? There seemed to be a lot of people on the island. If so, is it slow because of the heat?
/s/ Never in September
The tourist business in San Pedro changes from week to week but those who actually keep business records can forecast their business quite accurately. Oddly enough, September is not the slowest month of the year. For the sake of convenience a couple of hotels chose September as a time to close and renovate. This was several years ago. Other businesses, seeing that they were closed in September followed suit. Other businesses imitated those businesses. The ones who stay open are not going to say anything because they are doing quite well, thank you.
As to the heat, this is the hottest it has been in September that the Doctor can remember.
My neighbor comes over and borrows things from me and never returns them. It used to be that she would borrow things like flour and rice, promising to buy some for me when she went to the store. Now she borrows bowls and pots and the other day she borrowed my cake pan. How can I stop this?
Pay her a surprise visit and get your pots and pans. Write the other stuff off as a loss. If she asks for anything else tell her you do not have it.