Dr. Love

Dr. Love is the island's greatest authority on just about everything. Dr. Love answers questions about love, life, relationships, and various other things that people just don't get. The doctor does not address questions about politics or religious issues.

You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or E-mail at sanpdrosun@btl.net.

Dear Dr. Love,
I am having an affair with my brother-in-law (husband's brother). I know what I am doing is not right, but he does care. He says he just want to be with me. I tell myself that I would not allow him in my life, but every time we are alone he start hugging me and kiss me. I would push him, but he insist, so I end up falling in temptation. What is your advice to me? Do you think he loves me?
/s/ Unsigned

Dear Unsigned,
When you sent the last letter you had only fallen to temptation one time. You are no longer falling into temptation. You are diving in headfirst. There are some very real physical dangers here; not the least being that both of you are in danger of being seriously harmed by your husband when he finds out. He will find out. If you had quit after that first time he might never have known. Now, anyone who is around you and your brother-in-law for a few minutes will know that something is going on. You may think it is hidden but lovers give themselves away with sly glances and subtle touching when they think no one else is noticing. They are noticing. Sooner or later, your husband is going to notice, too. Does he love you? It's hard to tell from this distance. It seems that it does not really matter to you. You have already made up your mind that you want him. It is not a matter of him tempting you. You are the one who is doing the tempting. You are older than he is and you have to assume the responsibility for what happens in the relationship. After all, you are the one who can stop at any time.

Dear Dr. Love,
I am a college student, and I am totally lost. I have not had the desire to settle into "one" relationship, because I liked having the freedom to date different guys. I am not sleeping around or messing around with different guys either. I have recently started talking to a guy who was in my class last semester. I have found myself in his dorm room late at night many nights. I had gotten the feeling that he had never been close to anyone, and that he was scared to open up. When we were packing up to leave for Christmas vacation we were having a very deep discussion. He admitted that he was scared to open up, and that at the age of 22 he had not not been in a relationship that lasted longer than 7 months. He seemed like he was open to the idea of getting involved. I have not been able to stop thinking about him. There are many things around me that keep making me thing about him, just little reminders of moments we shared. It is like every where I turn I see things that remind me of him; whether it be driving down the road, at a fast food place, or watching t.v. late at night. I am not sure what to do, I have never though about someone as much as I am thinking about him. I really don't know what to do about this situation, could you please help me?
/s/ Ms. No Clue

Dear Miss No Clue,
Anyone who reads your letter definitely has a clue. Their conclusion, like that of the Doctor would be that you have been bitten by the love bug. Maybe love is too strong a word but at the least you have been bitten by the infatuation bug. Hey, go for it. Why not tell him how you have been feeling over the Christmas holidays? For all you know, he feels the same way.

Dear Doctor Love,
I thought your answer to the question from the guy from the Customs office or post office was mean, especially at the holiday season. You may have been right in your answer but it seems like you could have said it in a nice way. Just thought I would give you my opinion.
/s/ Thoughtful

Dear Thoughtful,
The Doctor tailors the responses to the tone of the letter. If the letter is snotty, the Doctor is twice as snotty. If the tone is nice, the Doctor is twice as nice. If the letter is neutral, the Doctor is twice as neutral.

Dear Doctor,
I gave my husband all kinds of hints about what I wanted for Christmas and he still gave me a washer. A washer is not a gift. A washer is something that you have to have. I wanted a dress that is in one of the gift shops. I even took him there to look at it and told him that I wanted it. He got me a washer that I don't even want. I need a way to get across to him the difference between a gift and something that is necessary.
/s/ Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
This is a simple problem. The problem is you, the gift receiver. He gave you a gift that he thought you would like. It should be accepted in that spirit. If you pick out the gift and tell him what to buy, that is not gift-giving, it is order-taking. Either buy your own gift or accept what he gives you without question.

Dear Doctor,
Half of the school year is over and I have not been doing very well. If I do as bad in the next half I will not graduate and I will have to repeat the year. I think I can make more money as a guide than any other way on this island. How can I convince my parents that this is best for me? I am not cut out for school work.
/s/ Tired of School

Dear Tired,
Don't do it. It already takes a diploma to get a job in a gift shop. Soon, you may need one for a guide's license

Dr. Love

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