Dr. Love

Dr. Love is the island's and possibly the world's greatest authority on just about everything, though the Doctor seldom addresses matters involving the law or religion. Otherwise, Dr. Love answers questions about love, life, relationships, intra-neighborhood squabbles and various other things that people don't understand.

The Doctor will be appearing in the Uniform Parade, as usual. Feel free to get his/her/it/their autograph and any personal advice you may need. You may also write the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize or fax 026-2905. For all of you electronic cyberspace people with questions - you may E-mail the good Doctor at sanpdrosun@btl.net. Tata for now.

Dear Dr. Love,
You will be happy to know that there is a new SPANDEX body suit on the market. It is sort of like Isotoner gloves. The suit has little control units in it that zero in on flab spots and isometrically dissolves them. The manufacturers say that wearing the suit is not habit forming and some of the former flaws in the product have been eliminated. No more heat rash and cut off circulation problems exist with the modified fabric. They are claiming this suit brings a positive attitude uplift both to the wearer and viewer. What do you say doc? Will you give it a chance?
Wants a new SPANDEX waiver

Dear Wants a Waiver,
NO WAY! The Doctor's first experience with SPANDEX involved a wide belt designed to wrap around flabby body parts. Electrical contacts planted in the belt were to shock the fat into shape. As a result of this SPANDEX -Electro Stimulas the Doctor hates both SPANDEX and electricity. Speaking of SPANDEX; the Olympics could have been a SPANDEX nightmare. It was good to see that the only people wearing the stuff had bodies designed for such usage.

Dear Dr. Love,
Could you share some of your experiences with us? Real life is much more interesting than all this drivel.
Needs a good uplifting experience

Dear Confused,
The Doctor's experiences do not lend themselves to the printed page. Small children are known to read this column.

Dear Dr. Love,
Why do you suppose more tee shirt shops are opening in San Pedro? Every time I get in my boat and come to town there's a new tee shirt shop or hardware store. Don't people know that tourism is down? We can't afford to buy $40 tee shirts.
Just whining

Dear Whining,
They are not trying to sell you the $40 tee shirts. These are for tourists. You get to buy them when they are marked down to $10 after a few years.

Dear Dr. Love,
We have a new TV channel that has me puzzled. The women have a lot of hair and everyone has deep accents of some kind of English. They sing really well but their talk shows are all about religion. These people are boring and there are no good action shows. Even the news show is usually about how Armageddon is coming soon. Who is Armageddon? Do we need to buy tickets in advance?

Dear Puzzled,
Your are either talking about the religious channel or the Arabic channel that comes from Dubai. You must be considering the religious channel because the Arabic channel is occasionally entertaining. On the religious channel most of the action probably takes place in front of the mirror in the make up room. Armageddon is a reference to the end of the world. You need to either read the Bible more or listen to old jokes like this. Knock, knock. Who's there? Armageddon. Armageddon who? Armageddon tired of Channel 4.

Dear Dr. Love,
Could you start running some personal ads in your column? I would like to meet someone, but I don't want people to know who I am. If you read the letters and decided who was OK then you could give me a message. It would sure help me.
SWF/ no smoke/mature with own income/likes to dance, swim, poetry and moonlight.

Dear SWF etc.
Gee, you certainly are attractive, especially the part about "have your own income". You like poetry, huh? Roses are red, Money is green. You're the cutest thing I've ever seen. How old are you? How tall are you? Never mind, you've covered the important point. You are certain to get some replies.

Dear Dr. Love,
The September Celebrations have got me down in the dumps. Everything costs so much money. We used to have dances and activities that were free and everyone could go, now it costs. What's to celebrate?
Watching my money

Dear Watching,
Contrary to popular belief there has never been a free dance. Someone has to pay the band and someone has to buy the tickets. These functions were held by public groups and the proceeds went to fund such organizations as the Lions Clinic and the schools. Now, bars hold the dances and the proceeds go to them. The great thing about public functions is that they don't have to make a huge profit to be successful. Therefore the prices are lower. We need more functions by our public organizations.

Dear Dr. Love,
Who makes up the rules and laws for the town? I say it's the central government but my friend says it's the town board. Who's right?
Needs to know

Dear Needs,
We make them up. We are the ones who elect the town board and the central government. After they are elected they are supposedly acting on our behalf in everything they do. Do you believe they do? Neither does the Doctor.

San Pedro Sun

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San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye, Belize News