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Cute

Aging gracefully

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet -- a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.


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Just in case you weren't feeling too old today:

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced two years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been microwaved.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel', or 'de plane, Boss, de plane'.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

....AND they never knew our world without PLASTIC!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type?

That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S.. Save the earth.. It's the only planet with chocolate.

Reminds me of a true story, which is not a joke as such. Certainly wasn't at the time. Many years ago my mother had an orange Mini automatic. Not many Mini automatics around. As with many cars those days, it had separate keys for door and ignition.

One day she parked it at an out-of-town supermarket. Later on she came out, headed for her orange Mini, opened the driver's door and put her shopping on the back seat, then put the ignition key in and started the engine, and drove home.

Once home she took her shopping off the back seat, then opened the boot (trunk) for some things she had bought earlier, but they weren't there. But there were some things she didn't recognise.

How likely is it that there were two orange automatic Minis taking exactly the same keys in the same car park that day? Because that turned out to be the explanation. When my mother called the police to say what had happened, she was told that the real owner of the car she had just driven home in had just reported it stolen.

Reality can be stranger than fiction.

At a Weight Watchers' meeting in Sweden, the floor collapsed under the weight of the slimmers.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/wor...linic-floor-collapses-under-dieters.html

Six Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.





2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that the first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.


5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this.I'm an idiot and I needed company ...

And I know you have a sense of humor and some teeth.

[quote=Peter Jones
How likely is it that there were two orange automatic Minis taking exactly the same keys in the same car park that day? Because that turned out to be the explanation. When my mother called the police to say what had happened, she was told that the real owner of the car she had just driven home in had just reported it stolen. [/quote]

EZ back when 4 or 5 single gates (tumblers as layman's know them.
Now it's chips and ~~~~, Suff.

VT

VT, you are either a Master/L1 Tech or have an LSID or both.

OMG, az! That is FUNNY!!!!

Both

[(L1 Tech) Nada,, what was the schooling "everybody equal,hold no one back / what ever USA schooling called it]

Euro schooled PLUS.

when i retire and can't pick up a tool, who is going to take US (old farts) places and job's.. Anywho's Master Tech Instructor ,,EG Wind-bag/fart ,, Wheeeehe, Run !!!

This is the Joke Forum Thread.

VT