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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 7,051
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OP
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PUNS....
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France; the result: Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
* When she saw her firs t strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 8,868
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,955
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No matter how bad it got, I couldn't turn away. Thanks a lot!
I will have a Belikin -- put it on klcman's tab.
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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* San Pedro is a low key sort of place * help me drive this stake into the ground. I'll get the stake where I want it, then when I nod my head you hit it * (NOT from a 10-year old) if a mathematician has constipation he works it out with a pencil
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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* A motorcyclist in a hurry finally arrived dead on time
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 4,268
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Paronomasia is the act or practice of punning, and there's no better way to explain what a pun is than to show you.
There are three kinds of people. Those that can count and those that can't.
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,955
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you are a good paronomatist!
I will have a Belikin -- put it on klcman's tab.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 4,268
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Takes one to know one.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,294
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds... "But they're twins; if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
he he he heh e!
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