Dr. Love is the islands and possibly the world's greatest
authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions
concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing
additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services
Division at 227-7451.
You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize,
fax 226-2905 or E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]
Dear Dr.,
I need your advice. I'm 21 years old and I'm from the cayes. I went
to primary school here and all those years I never really went anywhere
because my parents were too strict. I then went to the city to study
further for the next six years. During that time I was very happy. I
recently moved back home, and I've come to realize that I've never
truly been happy here. I have no friends, just family. I don't have a
social life.
I've been thinking of leaving, but my mom doesn't want me to. The
thing is, she's very sick. She has anywhere from a couple of months to
a couple of years to live. I love her and my family, but I'm just not
happy here. A lot of the times I'm grumpy and get upset with everyone
over silly things.
I'm scared of leaving and being completely on my own, but I know if
I leave, I will be happy. Happier than I am now. What should I do? What
do you think is the best thing for me to do?
Thank You.
/s/ Tired of being unhappy
Dear Tired,
The Doctor is aware of how trite it sounds, but it is a fact that
happiness is something that comes from within. This is a phrase that
all of us are aware of but have you ever stopped to think of what it
truly means? It means that, no matter what the circumstances of your
life, you will only be happy when you are happy with yourself. Changing
your situation in life usually means only changing the external things
and that is not enough.
A good example is people who immigrate to this country because they
are unhappy where they are. They think that a drastic change of
location like moving to another country is the answer to what has gone
wrong in their life. They move here and find that nothing has really
changed. If their problem was alcohol, they have a good chance of
becoming an alcoholic here. If their problem was drugs, the problem
often worsens because drugs are easy to get here and the consequences
of getting caught are usually less severe than in other places. If they
were workaholics in their own country, they find themselves working
even more here. In most of these cases, these people would have been
better off staying where they were and working their problems out in
familiar surroundings.
The first thing you need to do is ask yourself exactly what it is
that is making you unhappy. Be honest with yourself because this is
extremely important. If it turns out that you resent feeling that you
have to be near your family, then you should consider moving.
Nature has provided us with the instinct to produce more children
for the next generation. It is hard to do this with the encumbrances of
family. On the other hand, caring for the aging generation is strictly
a function of our role in society. When the rules of society and the
laws of nature collide, society rarely wins.
Dear Dr. Love,
I wrote a couple of weeks ago, but got no reply, so I am writing
again. I hope you answer. You see, I really like this guy, maybe even
love him, but he's not near and I haven't seen him for years, so I
finally called him. I'm really shy, so I was just friendly. He got my
number and said he'd call that night or the next day. The thing is, I
mistakenly turned my cell phone off that night and the night after, so
I don't know if he called.
It's now over a month and he hasn't called. But I still want to
know if I have a chance with him. How can I let him know how I feel
without looking too desperate and being vulnerable? What should I do?
What should I say? Should I even call him again? Because if I don't,
I'll always be wondering "What if?"
/s/ Want to Know
Dear Want to Know,
Make certain that you really want to know. A pop psychologist would
immediately ask if turning off your cell phone was really an accident
or were you afraid that he would not call so you turned it off in order
not to be disappointed.
Since the Doctor is not a pop psychologist, it is assumed that
turning the cell phone off was strictly an accident. In that case, go
for it. By all means call him and find out. What do you have to lose
anyway?
One of the biggest problems that people encounter in life is fear
of failure. How many times have you met people with tremendous
potential but who were afraid to venture out to see if the potential
could be realized? We all know people who might be great artists but
are afraid to show their paintings to anyone or those who have the
potential to write books but do not share their writing with anyone. We
think it is a shame when we see people like this and we feel that they
should be more aggressive with their talents.
We see this in others yet we do not realize that we do the same
thing to ourselves in our personal lives. Because we are afraid of
failure or afraid of what others might think, we do not pursue
relationships that could change our lives forever.
There is nothing to lose by pursuing a relationship. Go for it.
Dear Doctor,
I noticed Wolfe's Woofer has a new picture of Dennis Wolfe in The
San Pedro Sun. He looks so much healthier and younger than in his last
picture. Has he recovered from an illness or did he get a facelift? If
he got a facelift, can you get me the name of his doctor?
/s/ #1 Fan
Dear #1 Fan,
Dennis only comes to the office or responds to our calls and E-
mails when he is desperate for a check. After repeatedly trying to get
a response from him, we received the following E-mail full of absurd
accusations and Woofer-like ramblings:
Doctor,
As you are aware, some jealous person at the Sun has been trying to
sabotage my appeal to the ladies by ruining my picture. I have used the
same picture for fifteen years and there was nothing wrong with it
until recently. Fifteen years ago, I looked like a young Clint Eastwood
in that picture. Now, that same picture looks like I am afflicted with
a severe case of the "zacklies." It makes me look "zackly" like Clint's
wrinkled old butt. Of course, you also have to remember that when that
picture was taken I was a lot older than I am now.
I finally have a picture that looks just like me and possibly even
better. Tell the rest of that editorial crew to keep their hands and
those little marking pens off of it and quit trying to make me look old
and diseased.
Dear Doctor Love,
Are you mellowing out or something? I noticed that you quit
fighting the battle against the plans to limit vehicles on the island.
You haven't mentioned a word about it even though the plans are still
in place for it to go through.
Whether you know it or not the moratorium is still in effect and
there are more than 150 applications pending. According to the Minister
of Transportation, when the law is changed the local government will
have final determination on how many vehicles are allowed on the island
and the Ambergris Caye Traffic Control Committee will have the
responsibility of enforcing the new law.
The Minister of Transportation is requesting a public meeting for
responses to the changes to the law. We have to attend that meeting. We
need to get together and fight this thing before it is rammed down our
throat. We are getting screwed and you are the only one who has
championed those of us who are against it. Please help us publicize
what is going on.
/s/ Concerned Citizens
Dear Citizens,
You have let yourself get screwed by not attending the meetings
where all of these great changes were taking place. The law is going to
change and someday you will not get a golf cart or you will find
yourself at the mercy of unscrupulous and greedy bureaucrats. Then, you
will believe it is because a group of people who already own vehicles
had the law changed to benefit them.
Wrong! It is because your own ignorance got the best of you and you
let the law go through.
At one time, the Doctor was highly concerned with the change of
traffic control laws on the island. The Doctor's transportation
problems have been taken care of. Now that the Doctor has a golf cart,
the new law looks pretty good.
Dear Doctor Love,
I am having a lot of trouble meeting women here in Belize. I am not
talking about tourists or the local gringas. I met enough of those
women in the US. I would like to meet a nice local girl but I don't
know how to do it. When I go to a bar they are always in a group and it
is hard to get their attention because their friends are with them. I
did meet one single girl in a bar here but she turned out to be a
hooker and I have no interest in that.
I don't know how to go about asking a girl here for a date because
the only time I ever get a chance to talk is when we are dancing and
most of them won't slow dance with me. I am beginning to feel like
something is wrong with me although I am not what you would consider an
ugly guy. I am just normal.
I am interested in having a relationship with someone, one that
could eventually be something besides casual dating. How do I go about
this? Any suggestions?
/s/ Getting Desperate
Dear Desperate,
The Doctor will answer this letter as long as you bear in mind that
Doctor Love is not a dating service.
Never approach a woman here who is with a group of other women.
Like wolves, the pack will sense weakness and rip you apart. Singly,
they are slightly less difficult to approach. If you want to meet
someone to establish a relationship try to do it someplace besides a
bar. Perhaps you have seen an attractive woman at her job. Without
interfering with her work, it should be possible for you to find out if
she is single. Then, you have already established the fact that you are
interested in her. If she is single, then ask her out for dinner. All
women are individuals but as a group, they have certain characteristics
in common. She is going to want to know more about you before you have
a chance of making the relationship anything more than conversation. A
dinner date is probably your best bet for laying the foundation of a
relationship.
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