Dr. Love

El Doctor Amor

Dr. Love is the island's and possibly the Universe's greatest authority on just about everything. Dr. Love answers questions about love, life, relationships, and various other things that people just don't get. The doctor does not address questions about politics or religious issues. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services Division at 02-77451.

You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or E-mail at sanpdrosun@btl.net.

Dear Doctor Love,
My one child just graduated from high school and she wants to go to college. My problem is I sent her older brother to college and he came back and is no smarter than when he left. I am still paying for his education and it would be hard for me to be able to afford to send her to college but if I knew she would learn something I would do it. What do you suggest?

/s/ Unsigned

Dear Unsigned,
If you send a fool to college you will simply have an educated fool; one that probably thinks he is smart. The Doctor knows some highly intelligent people who never finished high school. Some of them did not have the financial resources to remain in school and some were simply bored with an educational system that moved too slowly for them. Nearly all have gone on to be successful in business or whatever field of endeavor they chose. Education cannot make your child smart. If you paint a pig white and call it a sheep it will still be a pig. The purpose of education is two-fold. Besides training a person in a career, education is designed to expose them to subjects such as the arts and sciences. So-called, "higher education" is simply designed to train them and expose them at a higher level. The real education comes when they go out and get a job. Here are two examples: An electrician who learns the theory of electricity can avoid many painful mistakes. Yet, every electrician, no matter how well-schooled, will get shocked sooner or later. That first painful jolt is when the real education begins.

The function of writing, like conversation, is to communicate ideas to others. Learning about writing does not make one a writer. The ability to communicate ideas on paper makes one a writer. The first glaring public error that a writer makes signals the beginning of his education.

Dear Doctor Love,
I have visited San Pedro at least once a year for six years and I am thinking about moving there. If I do move, I would like to start a business of some kind. Before making an important decision like this, I need to do some market research. Is there a Better Business Association in San Pedro that I could contact? How do I find out what restrictions apply to doing business in Belize? Thank you,

/s/ Soon To Retire

Dear Retiree,
If you actually do some market re- search before opening a business here, you will be the first person in history to do so. There is no listing for a Better Business Bureau in Belize. The Better Business Association is a U.S. idea that has not found a toehold here. The idea of businesses regulating themselves and imposing sanctions on offending members is foreign, to say the least. Here in San Pedro we go the U.S. one better. We have three loosely knit unofficial business groups. The Better Business group is the one whose members actually make money. This group has few members. Many businesses fall into the category of the Marginal Business group, the ones that are barely hanging on. They show a profit four months of the year and borrow for eight months. The largest group of all is the Defunct Business Association. Its members are made up of hundreds of people who did less market research on their business than they did for Christmas shopping. You better come down here and do your own research.

Dear Doctor Love,
I met a man in San Pedro who says he is a photographer but that is not what he does for a living. He wants to photograph me in the nude and send the pictures in to a magazine in the U.S. He showed me some magazines that have pictures and his name is listed on the credits but I do not know if it is really him or just someone with the same name. He says that he can afford to pay me only a little bit of money now, but when the pictures sell we will split the money. Do you think this is a legitimate offer? How can I find out if he really has sold pictures to these magazines? Most of the pictures are tasteful but some of them are downright gross. I already told him I will not do any gross pictures.

/s/ Model

Dear Model,
That "I want to photograph you" line is as old as the camera. There are a lot of people who use the line just to meet girls and some who really do want to take the pictures. What they do with the pictures is something else. Once you sign a release, the photographer can do anything he wants with the pictures. He can even sell them in another country where you would never know about it and you would not get any of the money. Besides, how would you feel if someone got a copy of the magazine and sent it to your family? It sounds like a bad bet.

Dear Doctor Love,
My golf cart is breaking me. Every week I have to put it in the shop for some kind of repair and it is always caused by the same thing. Rough roads! Why can't we have nice smooth paved roads like the rest of the world? Sand streets are romantic but there is nothing romantic about muddy potholes. Don't you think we would all be better off if the roads were paved?

/s/ Driver

Dear Driver,
If the roads were paved and smooth we could get to the cemetery a lot faster. Last week a vehicle overturned in front of the Playador Hotel. How can a vehicle possible go fast enough on this island to overturn when we have potholes that act as natural speed bumps every two feet? They can overturn if there is an idiot behind the wheel. The idiots who have overturned in the past have proved this. With paved roads we could have people overturning downtown instead of on the roads leading out of town. Would you walk on the side of Coconut Drive if it was paved? Of course not. A drunken fool would run over you within two minutes. What this island needs instead of paved roads is an idiot control system. The problem with an idiot control system is that if we had one, only you and the Doctor would be allowed to have vehicles.

Have you ever noticed that when you are driving a person going slower than you is a moron and one who is going faster is a maniac?

Dear Dr. Love,
My son just graduated from high school and he is not planning to go to college. He does not have a job and he lives at home with us. This has been fine while he was in school but he is not even going to look for a job now. He says he wants to relax for a while and enjoy being out of school. I think that if he is going to stay here he should find some kind of a job and start contributing to the family income. We have been struggling for years and I want to relax a little bit, too. Where is a place for him to look for a job? He took business courses in school but I do not think he learned anything about business. Do you think the hotels would hire someone whose grades in business classes were not very good?

/s/ Concerned Mother

Dear Mom,
I think you are right to send him out to get a job. If you want him to go into business send him out to get a job mix- ing and pouring cement. There is nothing like fifty hours a week in the hot sun to make a person remember the things they learned in business courses.

Dr. Love

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