That annoying question...

      I get asked this question a lot. It comes with the territory. Having been with the hubbster for over six [yes, count ‘em, SIX (6)] years, and still waking up with that giddy feeling, I guess I should expect the prying questions. When with family and friends, it’s worse. We can’t turn for hearing that question from every loudmouth around.


    Yes, that annoying question: “So, when are you going to have a baby?”

    Forget marriage first, right? These are people who supposedly grew up with certain moral values, people who raised us with the threat of a fiery death if we so much as asked about the plumbing and inner workings of the opposite sex. I FaceBook a lot (haha), and have noticed one annoying old man who’s infiltrated most young women’s profiles, and always has some smarmy crap to spew about how a woman must experience “God’s gift women, that of motherhood, at least once”. Old fart, you should try squeezing a watermelon through your noodle and see if you like it first, then come and talk to me about “God’s gift”.

Mary Gonzalez's Facebook profile

    (Crap…I see lightning…duck!)

    You know what is worse? Friends who ended up having a surprise baby. All of a sudden, every argument they made against parenthood, out the window. They say, having a baby changes you life, and you should just have a baby, you’ll see, everything will take care of itself. (They’re living with their parents by the way). No thanks, I won’t take those chances!

    I have a friend who tried to explain the joys of motherhood to me. She said, “If you don’t have children, you won’t get presents on Mother’s Day!”

    Seriously? That is why I should go knock myself up? What happens when my child gets knocked up? Do I get two presents then? Some people truly have a warped sense of reality.

    Anyway, my point is, whose business is it anyway if I have a child or not? How annoying is it to meet up with a friend whose child beckons for a hug, and while indulging in that innocent moment, some crass woman with way too many kids on drugs flies past screaming, “You should make your own!” I always fight the urge to yell back and tell her what she should do with hers. (Have I mentioned I am chickenshit?)

    Finally, one day, a very nice woman asked me if I had children. I said no. She said, oh, well, do you want any? How refreshing that she ‘gave’ me a choice! Of course, I said, yes, but I am not ready for one.

    Our conversation extended as far as my explaining why. And this is why:

    I had a cousin. She was a sweet girl, who was way too innocent for her own good. She moved to the island looking for work, and in the process, found love. She shacked up (there goes the innocence) with her new man in a tiny, cramped, hot as hell apartment surrounded by other crappy, loud, nasty neighbors. She didn’t care. She was in love. Then the pressure began building. Family members and even her boyfriend soon talked her into having a child: in an apartment in San Pedro; where the base salary hardly covers rent and food.

    That is my thing. I don’t want to have an apartment baby. I have seen far too many of those babies, and while some people get ahead, I see how long it takes them to do so. Sometimes, accidents happen, and all their hard work slides back down, and they have to start from scratch. I see my situation, where the killer hospital bills loom ominously, and life in San Pedro gets costlier and costlier, and I wonder how in hell I can afford to provide for a child on top of all those bills! My cousin probably didn’t think all that through, and if she did, when it was too late, what options did she have?

    Considering she wasn’t working, and didn’t own a property or home, and was dependent on her man, her options were slim to none. To add to the mix, the man ended up dumping her and the child! She had to go back to where she came from and move back in with her parents.

    Not a good story, I know. And I sure as hell don’t want to be that statistic either. I refuse to be a burden on my hubby’s family, should in case I have a child and cannot provide for it. It’s even worse, as I have no family to depend on. It’s just not a feasible option, at the moment. But do I have that amount of time to explain to every Tom, Dick, Harry and Sally who opts to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do with my eggs? Do I even want to? And besides, guess what, this decision, it involves my hubby too. Let’s not forget that he will play a role in this, and quite frankly, neither of us is responsible enough for each other, much less a small, helpless infant. Good lord, I dread to think what would happen to the critter.

    (Did I just call a child a critter?...And you think I should have a child…!!!)

    So, if that would have been one of your “Ask TC” questions, sweet pea, you have been warned! And don’t get me started on the marriage issue either…grrrrrrr!!!

    This has been a Public Service Announcement on behalf of girls who refuse to give in to the pressure. We know our options, so kindly butt the hell out of our business.           

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