It has been three years since I last hit the gym. In that time, I have gained weight steadily, and I have been very sedentary. I enjoy food, watching television, writing and reading. My favorite past-time however, is sleeping. I have heard that sleeping encourages growth. My thighs can attest to that. As can my waistline. And my three chins.
(This is the part where everyone starts offering unsolicited advice, and the rah, rah, you can do it attitude kicks in Ė in case you didnít know!)
Isnít it amazing, ladies, how much we focus and agonize over our weight, size, looks, Ďinsert-latest-obsessioní?
Every year, I make the same stupid resolution, in private (as if that makes a difference), and every year, around my birthday, I agonize when I receive my gift certificate to my favorite boutique. Nothing fits. I rail against the shop owners, claiming injustice and discrimination against big girls. OF COURSE ITíS NOT MY FAULT! (Yes I am yelling Ė sorry). Once, I even left in tears, then went home and cried bitterly. Then I baked a lovely cake, and sat and ate nearly half.
The hubby always gets mad at me because I cry over my weight. He always compliments me and tries to make me feel better, but then I have to put clothes on and they donít fit. (Heehee, made a dirty joke without meaning to!) Honestly though, is worrying about weight something we are all born with?
For as long as I have known myself, I know that the majority of men in this delightful country prefer the ďbiggerĒ ladies. Thatís a great thing, but I worry about the over-saturation in the media, especially when one turns on the TV and sees all manner of super skinny people being classified as beautiful, and the normal looking ones, fat. GASP! What does that make me?
Well, to be honest, according to my BMI, I am obese. I havenít checked in a while, but I am pretty sure I just crept up to morbidly obese! (Excuse me while I put my head in the ovenÖ)
My honest opinion over my unhealthy obsession with food? Emotions. Yes, definitely. I know a lot of friends who drink their worries away. I eat mine away. It gives me something to obsess about. I donít care if I owe thousands of dollars to the bank or the hospital or to the credit card company, Iím fat. I can concentrate on my weight, and nothing else seems to matter. When my mother was ill, I constantly had something to munch on.
Itís like I am stopping myself from being healthy to avoid the real issues. Some people are genetically predisposed to battle with their weight all their lives. I would say that I have a genetic make-up that could make me go either way. But thatís not reason to give up and say, well, I will always be fat, so there, take me or leave me. I try to convince myself that I can accept being fat for a while, until I lose weight, but then I notice that I am not really losing any weight, and I am still in denial over the real issues. And the vicious cycle starts all over again!
Hmmm, something has to be done.
On the bright side, the island has certainly stepped up to the plate with health and such. The new gym has exciting classes to offer, the old gyms have reduced prices to keep their members, and overall, if you walk on the beach after work hours, you will find many people jogging, walking and talking, in general taking some form of exercise.
AND, bitter pill of irony: an aerobics class moved next door to my work office. They found me! Dear sweet lord, I canít get away from the issue any more. I might just have to run in and start jumping around for a few minutes Ė get the endorphins going. Grr! On the bright side, I will always know that the Belizean culture loves a bigger, more realistic woman. Losing these umpteen pounds should be for me and no-one else.
Having promised that to the big bad Internet world, I guess I have to stick to my guns. Dang it, I always knew I should stick to my private resolutions, but I guess that got me nowhere! Now, I just have one more thing to do.
There, I just became a fan of bacon on Facebook, my new obsession! ††††††††††
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