Land Sharks – Part I

“You’re not a Barbie, but you’re what we call edible”           

    Aah, the land shark, such a way with words. Such charisma and charm; such smooth lyrics. They just know how to make a woman feel wanted – wouldn’t you absolutely strip down to your skivvies and beg him to take you after words like that?



    Well, then you’re one of the smart ones.

    See, I know I talk about being nice to your men, taking care of them and making them feel appreciated. But land sharks are a completely different specie, good only for feeding the crocs in my opinion. And yet, some people beg to differ – some people just want the new flavor, that notch on the belt that says, different, exotic.

    I have met a lot of lovely, otherwise intelligent women who are absolute putty at the thought of nabbing the local lover. You know, the one with such delightful one-liners as above. If you have been visiting the island, and you’ve met someone who “could be the one”, don’t start packing your bags quite yet. There’s probably a couple things that need to be ironed out before you up and leave everything to come down, chasing a dream of barefoot romance and rainbows and shiz.

    The Land Shark: A seemingly good looking man who probably works at a bar, is a dive instructor, or seems to have inherited quite a bit of money because the entire time you’ve been down here hanging with him, he doesn’t seem to have a scheduled job. Come to think of it, did you just buy him lunch? Dinner? Breakfast? Of course, you felt like you should, why should he have to pay – the poor dear…he’s been so lovely to you, you just want to take care of him – just this once. Sound familiar? Hmm…stay with me…

    I met a lovely, dear, dear, dear friend thanks to a land shark. He worked at a bar. But, oh no, he didn’t “take care” of all the single chicas. No sir, he wasn’t like that. He had eyes for only one person, and that was my friend. Long story short, of course she fell head over heels for him. Heck, if anyone paid me half as much attention I would probably have been a goner too! The two weeks spent in his company were complete and utter bliss. What a charming man. Such a sweetie - well, except that time when she bought a friend of his a beer. He sort of lost it. ‘How interesting,’ thought my friend. ‘He either really cares, or he’s a jealous freak.’ Minus that blip in the radar, it was a perfect island romance.

    And then she went back home.

    Of course she left her number and email address just in case he needed to contact her. Of course he needed to contact her. Didn’t he just spend two blissful weeks with a perfectly lovely woman – didn’t he just absolutely miss her and need to hear her voice at least? Was he waiting until she came back?

    Apparently not; there was one drunken dial, where he called and asked for money. There was another hang up, but otherwise, nothing. She called, of course, but it was never reciprocated like before. I wonder if in her mind she thought perhaps that he preferred face-to-face contact. I only wondered, after hearing her plight, how soon I could convince her that she was the victim of a land shark, someone who provided companionship but not much else afterwards.

    Note: Fear not, I have another installment in this series, having heard and seen a lot of the same events happening to very intelligent, beautiful, kind-hearted women. It happens, no matter what. The next installment includes a bit more on what happens, and on others’ stories.           

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