What does it mean when a woman is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough

Why do only 10% of women make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do women like smart men?
Opposites attract.

PUBES

He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."

She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter.

He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you."

He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"

She says, "Go ahead."

He says, "Can you PEE through all that hair?"

She says, "Of course."

He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.