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Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the play ground and go into
the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
"Passionate Embrace." Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly....

"MOMMYMOMMY, IWASATTHEPLAYGROUNDANDDADDYAND.
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the whole story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was in the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy.."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to
see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight. At the dinner table, mommy asks little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny
starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying
down on the seat, and....."then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy
and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."

Some times you need to listen to the whole story

MR

LMAO.....good one!

Good ole Johnny

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
He's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey
grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced
limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball,
sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table,
whole!", says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied
the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for
the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on
the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.The
bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"Now what?", responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up
his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he
measures everything first."

LOL!!!!!!!
Rick

Have you all read these books?

1. Trails in the sand by Peter Dragon
2. Brown spots on wall by Wo Flun Poo
3. Rusty bed springs by I. P. Nitely
4. Under the blechers by Seamore Butts
5. Long yellow river by I.P. Freely
6. Spots on wall by Wee Yakum Off
7. 50 yards to the outhouse by Willie Makeit
Illistrated by Betty Wont
8. Over population in China by Wee Fukum Yung

LOL Rick

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

lol MR

So, this man walks into a bar carrying a brown paper bag, He goes up to the bartender and say's " if I show you something totally amazing can I drink free for the rest of the night?
The bartender say's sure! So the mand reaches into the bag and pulls out this tiny baby grande piano, along with a tiny piano seat. Next he reaches in and pulls out this tiny little man and sets him on the piano seat. The tiny little man cracks his nuckles and starts playing classical music on this piano.
Well the bartender was amazed! So he asked "where did you find such a thing?" The man say's " well there was this lamp in the alley and I rubbed it and wished and this is what I got.
The bartender was excited. He gave the man a whole bottle of whiskey and told him to watch the bar, and headed out to the alley, where he found the old lamp and rubbed it furiously1 All the time saying "I wish for a million bucks, I wish for a million bucks!"
Well nothing happened, and after a while the bartender headed back to the bar.
When he reached the front door he realized that his bar was filled with all these DUCKS!!!
He made his way back to the counter with a puzzled look. When he reached the bar he told the man..."that lamp doesn't work, I wished for a millon BUCKS and I come back to my bar and It's filled with Ducks!"
The man at the bar said..."Well do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist!!!"

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK, where are you from, jackass?"

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local course. One of the guys is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the fairway. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"
The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"