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Catatonic Motivator is sort of an oxymoron, you mor...oops. Pardon my negativity while I become more upbeat. Sometimes I don't know how to feel.

'Round here, CatMot pretty much stands for Keeper o' the Jokes, like this one:

She says:

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which we'd like to have dinner."

He says:

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating, and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

Or, perhaps, this:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."


You know, I like this thread more and more...

Tee He He

I like this thread too...


CatMot - catatonic or motivating. Maybe you are motivating catatonically, don't visit the manic depressives. Maybe you are catatonically motivated - needing to sleep. Hmmm I will ponder this with my neighbors over a few cold beverages.

Now that's an interesting site. Mailbu sitting with her neighbors... all sitting there, quietly looking skyward and pondering. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Texas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts
going through his usual litaney of dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's
hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected in the community and the workplace and from reaching our full potential as people - all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only
blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologize, and the blonde yells: "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little s**t on your
knee."

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding)

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year-old is wonderful. First grade...true story One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow fullof straw and said, 'Pardon me, sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy smoke! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. And finally: 60% of the men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Subject: Women drivers
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.


As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much;
I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone
away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs,
splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.


Damn women drivers ! !

Good one Palapa!

I'm still laughing about the blond joke. Excellent piece of work, I say!

So...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if she could help the gentleman.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it."

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000 a month living expenses."

ahahahahaahhaha ROFLMAO

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches.

"Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing a beat, blurts ..... "I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!" :rolleyes: