AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area NEWER BALDERDASH

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

means a smile and

is a frown.


Well, how about some "ASSICONS?" Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing their ass off (_ :-) _).

Added by ScubaLdy - Now, if someone could just figure out ones for
Has his head up his ass
Get your head out of your ass
Bad Ass
Half Assed

Can you think of anymore?

Two patients limp into two different American Medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

The second patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Senior Citizen.

The second is a Golden Retriever.

This was sent to me by WonderWoman and just too good not to share. http://www.care2.com/ecards/p/8020-3532-10346-2209 This absolutely put a smile on my face,

About Eric Idle (who sings in the above) and was part of the Monty Python Flying Circus. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001385/

Here's another ass emoticon.....


(((((((((( ~ )))))))))))


My ass!! (It's a little larger than average.)

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the Woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, .05thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

That was funny, Jesse!

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet yo u tried this out mentally,
didn't you?)

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. (I'll bet you're going to check this out.)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every let ter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try
this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left
(palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and
hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit
it, you are going to say ...... a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are
going to test this out)

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. (but who really cares?)

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is)

A "jiffy" is a n actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of repro duction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.


The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice a s much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.



..................Now you know everything

Difficult decisions:

Scenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


Answer:
Get off the children's Merry Go Round, you are drunk!!