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This letter was sent to the principal's office after an elementary school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly woman had received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

Dear Faculty and Students,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens' luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an assisted living home for the aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said f*ck you.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Agnes

Too funny, law. I think I know this lady....

are you kidding me? I'm pretty sure I'm related to her!

I went to visit my granny in the nursing home when I was a teenager. When I arrived, she was asleep, so I just sat down in a chair in her room, watched some television and ate some peanuts from a bowl on the table.

Eventually, granny wakes up, and I realize that I've absentmindedly finished all the peanuts in the bowl. I told my granny that I was sorry I had eaten all of her peanuts. She replied that was okay, after she sucks the chocolate off, she doesn't like them anyway.

My great granddad used to tell that story - really, he did. He thought it was hilarious!

Let's face it, that radio joke has been around the block a few times too.

aaahhh..oldies but goodies. That's what I hope to be.

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey? he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, and hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."


***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this phone number 486-5731?"

"No, you have the wrong number."