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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,062
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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Okay, give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
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But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,770
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It's never too late to have a happy childhood!
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 993
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The Kitchen Bitch
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her
5 -year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying,
"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train.. cause we're going down the tracks. The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue...
"For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, Please see the bitch in the kitchen.
Never Use money to measure wealth
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,955
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lol -- I'm rolling!!! Now, that's good. I can picture my 6-year old being that very same smarta*s
I will have a Belikin -- put it on klcman's tab.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3,677
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When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,"Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. "Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis. 
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,041
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Great one, Bobber!! I'll share that with Mrs. Jayhawk. Older women ARE great, mostly because they put up with older men. One thing I have learned after 20+ years of marriage: There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3,677
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KC, 38 years here. Things do get better if you work at them.
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,200
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Wow Bobber, great words of wisdom. Wish most would have gotten the clue. Some never will!
Take the road less traveled
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3,677
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Rule #1. Know when to stand up and shout. Also, know when to sit down and shut up.
My dear wife, the beautiful and talented and smart (and blonde) Mrs. Bobber claims I have talked myself out of more than I have ever talked myself into. Hence, sitting down and shutting up.
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,888
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Sent to me by my pal Shuffles...
What do you call skydiving lawyers?
SKEET!
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