Doctor Love

Dr. Love is the island's and possibly the world's greatest authority on just about everything. Dr. Love answers questions about love, life, relationships, intra-neighborhood squabbles and various other things that people don't understand. The Doctor has recently been informed of several people who have been violating SPANDEX® regulations. Don't let me catch you without a permit to wear that stretchy material manufactured in hell. The Doctor may be forced to consult with the SPANDEX® police and encourage that offenders be punished accordingly. You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or E-mail at

Dear Dr. Love,
I've read many things about Ambergris Caye trying to decide if I should vacation there. The one activity I'm most interested in is beach volleyball. I see no mention of this sport which for obvious reasons surprises me. Is sand volleyball a happening thing and if so, where, and why no mention of it. Also, if you see my friend Eileen give her a great big hug and kiss for me. Thanks.

Granny Jill (J-happy now?)

Dear Granny,
When the five-a-side football season ends, volleyball season begins. Sand volleyball, the most competitive sport on the island, is played on the beach of every resort and most bars have teams. Your friend, Eileen, didn't mention the sport because it's one of the Caye's dark secrets. It's rarely mentioned because the losing team is usually beheaded.

Dear Dr. Love,
I moved to the island several months ago and have recently got a job. My problem is I have an urge to wear my wife's underwear to work. Is something wrong with me?

Pretty in Pink

Dear Pretty,
Of course not. Feel free to wear them as long as they are boxer type underwear with the little fly in the front. Many men on the island are faced with the problem of their wife's underwear being far too large for sharewear. Thumbtacks in the waistband will help them stay up.

Dear Doctor,
I met a guy from the United States. I really like him a lot but there are some problems with our relationship. The first problem is that I have a lot of trouble understanding him. He is from the state of Alabama and everything he says I have to get him to say it twice. He speaks English, but it is not like the English of other people from the U.S. that I've met.

The other problem is that he is the worst dancer I have ever met. All of my friends are good dancers and we are really into dances like cumbia, punta, soca and a lot of the dances we see on television.

Do you think these cultural differences are too difficult to overcome?

Concerned dancer

Dear Dancer,
Don't worry about his accent. The two of you can learn to communicate somehow. After all, there are many successful relationships where one partner is deaf and dumb. This kind of problem can be handled. The dancing is another matter. If he is from Alabama he could learn to punta or soca if he wanted to. Cumbia? Forget it. Remember, there are two sides to every relationship. What about how you fit in with his lifestyle. Do you chew tobacco or dip snuff? Do you like to hunt little animals with a big gun? Could you switch from driving a golf cart to a four-wheel drive pickup truck with extremely large tires? It's easier to find another boyfriend.

Dear Doctor Love,
I was in one of the local butcher shops this morning and one of the customers asked for two pounds of dog meat. I was horrified. You can imagine how horrified I was when the butcher went in the back and came back out a few minutes later with a large bag of meat and gave it to her.

What kind of culture is this? I've heard that some cultures eat dogs but I didn't think this was one of them.


Dear Appalled,
Don't get excited. When someone asks for dog meat here they're asking for scraps that the butcher sells as dog food. Dog meat is simply an idiomatic phrase. At one time the word "dirt" was used for "garbage." It was common to see signs that said, "Please do not throw dirt in the street."

Doctor Love

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