Doctor Love

Dr. Love is the island's and possibly the world's greatest authority on just about everything from cigars to getting a stain out of a dress. Hence, the Doctor has been asked to fly to Washington D.C. to help President Clinton with his problems. No one needs the Doctor's advice right now more than he does.

You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize, fax 026-2905 or E-mail at

Dear Doctor Love,
I read your column all the time and am very impressed with your advice. What puzzles me is why you feel the need to answer your questions with sarcasm. I understand people write to you for advice because they don't know what to do and you do but that doesn't mean you should treat them as uneducated fools. When you got your "degree" in solving other peoples problems did you also get one giving you permission to make people feel like idiots?
/s/ Educated Fool
Dear Fool,

Of course not. The only ones who are made to feel like idiots are those who are. Perhaps you are not aware that there are some out there. The Doctor suspects that you won't have to look far to find one. What separates the fools of this world from the rest of us is not education, it is common sense. The lack thereof is what makes a person a fool.

Common sense is not a native talent. It can be acquired. Sometimes all it takes is to shake a person and shout, "Hey, you're acting like a fool!" That's the Doctor's job. Since the Doctor cannot reach out and shake people, a letter with sharp words is used instead.

In case you haven't caught on yet, there are some people who write silly questions and attempt to pull the Doctor's leg. These are people who have what is known as a sense of humor. Their letters are always answered sarcastically. You may not be able to figure out which letters are serious and which ones are not, but the Doctor can.

Dr. Love,
I read that "Orgy on the Reef" article in the San Pedro Sun and was wondering if spawning coral receive any pleasure from their activity. We humans seem to, for the most part, enjoy procreating. What other creatures enjoy the act of reproducing?
/s/ Curious
Dear Curious,

Nature has made the act of reproducing enjoyable for all creatures for obvious reasons. If eating was the most enjoyable thing to do, we would have a world of fat people for a generation before the human species died out. If hearing was the most enjoyable act we would have at least one generation with enormous ears.

Of course coral enjoy it. The only complaint is that it's so hard to light a cigarette under water.

Dear Doctor,
I was abducted by aliens last night. No, not by Guatemalan aliens (immigrants) but aliens from out in space. Actually, they are from one of the moons on Jupiter. Please don't think I'm crazy. I'm not. All those sightings of fireballs or meteorite looking flaming balls are actually space ships. One of the aliens tried to communicate with me but it was all fuzzy inside my head. He did say -I understand this part- to ask you Doctor to translate this message and tell the people of the world. . . .Torkz inro unn vetti rrpt oie tunee bat/xo omin paq wolnz coozzz fddonx.
/s/ Happy to be home on earth
Dear Happy,
In deference to Educated Fool who has chastised the Doctor for using sarcasm the Doctor will avoid flippancy and answer this letter sweetly and seriously.


Hey, Fool. This is one of those sarcastic letters the Doctor wrote about.

At any rate, Happy, your question deserves an answer. Since those articles about the fireballs were written there has been a rash of abductions in the San Pedro area. These abductions usually take place between 12:00 midnight and 3 a.m. when the abductees should have been home and in bed. H-m-m.

Dear Doctor Love,
What happened to all the streets? All of a sudden Coconut Drive has two corners where there were no corners before. They used to be gentle curves. Sheep now graze on what I always thought was part of Coconut Drive and the fence goes right through what used to be my favorite mudhole when it rained. What gives?
/s/ Wondering
Dear Wondering,
For some reason during the last year property owners suddenly became concerned with fencing. The Doctor does not understand this sudden obsession. What's the worry? Do they think someone is going to steal their property? By the way, does anyone have any used fencing for sale? The Doctor is in the market.

Doctor Love

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