Dr. Love

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Dr. Love is the island's and possibly the world's greatest authority on just about everything, though the Doctor seldom addresses matters involving the law or religion. Otherwise, Dr. Love answers questions about love, life, relationships, intra-neighborhood squabbles and various other things that people don't understand.

You may write to the Doctor at P.O. Box 35, San Pedro Town, Belize or fax 026-2905. For all of you cyberspace people - you may E-mail the good Doctor at sanpdrosun@btl.net.

Dear Dr. Love,
I have a bunch of questions for you - please help.
1. Why are people always asking for advice but never taking it?
2.When you are in a boat and another one is approaching from the opposite direction, which side are you supposed to pass on?
3. Whatever happened to Dolphin Development and this big development they made such a fuss about?
4. What color should I wear to church on Easter Sunday?
5. What is the best pesticide for mealy bugs?
6. Do you have trouble getting on-line with your computer between noon and four o'clock?
7. Will you have dinner with me Wednesday at Capricorn? I think I love you.

Thank you.
/s/ Curious.

Dear Curious,
Voicing a problem gives a person a chance to really think about it and reach their own conclusions. Starboard (your right). Nothing. Blue. Mix Sevin Dust in with your flour or cornmeal. No. No, thank you. The Doctor's manicure appointment is set for Wednesday.

Dear Doctor,
Is Carnaval here related in any way to the Mardi Gras in New Orleans or to Carnaval in Rio? Some of the customs are familiar looking but some are extraordinarily different. I have never heard of people painting each other in either of these places. Why do they do this?
/s/ Confused

Dear Confused,
Like many customs, the modern ones are perversions of the originals. At one time the children were allowed to break eggs filled with confetti. This custom has extended to painting everyone in sight. Some foresight by the town board and the police department kept things under control this year. It's about time, too.

Dear Doctor Love,
I am an artist with a problem. Lately, people have been pointing out to me that all of my artwork looks the same. I used to try to tell them that I have several different styles and style is what makes the artist. Now I am just discouraged. Please help me enlighten people about what is art and what is not.
/s/ Artist

Dear Art,
The Doctor knows absolutely what is art and what is not. Unfortunately, this is an opinion. Even more unfortunately, the Doctor's opinion is shared by only a few. Here is what Andy Warhol told the Doctor at the opening of one of his shows at an art gallery in London. "Dog crap is dog crap unless you paint it, make a sculpture of it, or fiberglass it and make it part of a multi-media artwork. Then, dog crap is art."

Dear Doctor Love,
I was looking at some nautical charts of the waters in this area and I found that the depth was given in fathoms. Why do people use such outdated methods when everyone understands feet and inches?
/s/ Landlubber

Dear Lubber,
People tend to cling to ideas that they understand and seamen have always understood fathoms. You, on the other hand are clinging to what some people see as an outdated method of measurement. We can hate it or we can love it, but the metric system of measurement is slowly replacing inches and feet.

Dear Doctor Love,
I would like to hire a detective to keep an eye on my wife when I am in the U.S. I don't see any detective services listed in the phone book. Do you have any ideas?
/s/ Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,
We live on a small island. Everyone knows what everyone else is doing. Sometimes we just choose to ignore it for the sake of convenience. Don't worry, your neighbors will undoubtedly keep an eye on her for you while you are gone. They will not charge for their report, either.

Dear Dr. Love,
I would like to take a course in self-defense. I have even considered sending away for the tape on self-defense that is on the TV infomercial. Do you know of anyone who teaches tai kwan do or jujitsu on this island? I can't afford to go all the way into Belize City.
/s/ Defenseless

Dear Defenseless,
In San Pedro, tai kwan do and jujitsu are passed over in favor of what is known as the "pint" defense. Most disagreements occur in the vicinity of beer and the pint bottle allows everyone the right to bear arms.

Dear Doctor Love,
I keep seeing ads for ginkoba, an herb that supposedly improves your thinking ability. Do you think it works?
/s/ Confused

Dear Confused,
The Doctor is looking into the possibility of ordering a truck-load of ginkoba. There are a number of people who will be receiving gift supplies from an anonymous donor. Government employees get them first.

Dr. Love

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San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye, Belize News