After seeing the various 'rules' on the list in the last few weeks, I
thought I'd share these with y'all. You're always welcome here in Texas,
but just keep these in mind......

RULE 1

Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24
hours a day. Let them cook something they know.


RULE 2

Don't laugh at folks' names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray,
TommieJo, Johnny Bob, Mari Beth, Marva, Edna Earl, and Inez
have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.


RULE 3

Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a
beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi,
Sprite, or Dr. Pepper. Got it?


RULE 4

Southern women don't fancy the smart mouth Yankees. Just
remember, they all have Big brothers and Bigger daddies and can
probably kick your ass themselves.


RULE 5

Don't show allegiances to any other school football team but the
Longhorns or Aggies. All the others are a bunch of candy asses
who play Wyoming every week.


RULE 6

Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better
educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot. We just talk
this way to [#%!] you off.


RULE 7

Yes, we know the humidity is high and it's hot; just quit
complaining, spend your money, and go home.


RULE 8

No, the state symbol of TEXAS is not the orange and white
highway barrel. This road construction is ticking us off too.


RULE 9

Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this,
everyone will know you're from Nebraska. Just eat the biscuits
like God meant for you to do. And do not order poached eggs.
No one from Texas eats eggs poached.


RULE 10

Don't try to talk with a Texas accent if you don't have one or use
regional idioms you can't possibly understand. Nothing makes us
madder.


RULE 11

Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home.
We're not going to change to make you happy. So if you don't
like it here, Delta is ready when you are!


RULE 12

Our food isn't overcooked; yours is undercooked.


RULE 13

Down here, "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to close
an argument. You can't get more closure than that.


RULE 14

Flirting is a Southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're going home
with someone later. It doesn't mean the person flirting with you is
even interested. It's all just practice.


RULE 15

Take your hat off when you say the words "Tom Landry."