I see where you are coming from, sweetjane, as I was also in the same situation, although my children were never taken from me, I sometimes wished someone would intervene. My ex let them do whatever the wanted. If he had them over the weekend, it was at least Wednesday before I got them under control again. But, they always knew where they stood with me, and gave up trying to make me into Good Time Charlie, like their dad, because I was the parent, and they knew it.
I think when the other parent only has the kids for a few days a week, they overcompensate by letting the kids run wild. Unfortunately for the custodial parent, it's hard to prove, and getting them back in order appears as a strict, heavy handed effort to those who are on the outside looking in. No quick fix, I'm afraid. Now, my kids are wonderful, independent, law abiding citizens, and I'm very proud of them. I think they are the perfect mixture of their parents, even tho ONE of them wasn't much of a parent.

At what age is it determined I am old enough to know better?