LA and s&s - i respect each of you for your knowledge and experience.

our case ended up settling after the dad laid hands on my other child in anger (the infamous leveling of the playing field)...unfortunately for me, it happened after all damage with child #1 was done.

yes, although we each were custodial parents, after 5 days at dad's, i felt like i was getting barn animals back. young son has risen above and gotten past all, and is wonderful, cuddly and respectful to me, and is back to good grades. i'll consider him my victory.