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A census taker in a rural area went up to a Tennessee farmhouse and knocked.
When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty two.
And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty six.
And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty four ... "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"

The woman answered,
"Heck no, there were hundreds of
times we didn't get nothin'."

I am looking at these 2 pictures side by side and cannot tell the difference. There is suppose to be 3 things that are different in this pic. Help please!
http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

OK, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)

1. Would you use the spoon?

2. Would you use the teacup?

3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."

"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

HAPPY HALLOWEEN WEEKEND EVERYONE!

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the
Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English
are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your
stiff upper lips make your above the rest of us. Look at me...I'm me,
I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some
Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" So the Englishman replied,
"Very sporting of your mother."

Three friends from the local congregation were asked
"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are
mourning over you, what would you like them to say? "
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband,
a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

How Is a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!

THE BLOND AND THE LORD

A blond wanted to go ice fishing.
She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to
make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blond moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blond, now worried, moved away, clear down to
the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
"IS THAT YOU LORD?"

The voice replied,

"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him, "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat." The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'broker'?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two darn mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needles used in lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?