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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop

Heeeyyyy...I resemble that remark!!!

I'm sorry, I thought this was hilarious.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2354307.html?menu

Tastes like chicken?

A warning for you and any of your friends who may be regular customers at Wal Mart. Over the last month I became the victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get some shopping turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you!

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good looking 21 year old girls come over to your car as you are loading your stuff into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Wind-X with their cleavage almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say No and instead ask you for a ride to another shopping center. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen on May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,

17th, 20th, June 2nd, 4th, three times on the 5th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy more wallets.

Please pass this message on to all the men you know to warn them about this scam!

Wow! I wonder when they will get my Wal-Mart.

Italian Math

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.< /SPAN>

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere a you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere < /STRONG>you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

(You're going to love this one!!!)

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, datsa makea one hundred. So, when I 'm a gonna start?"

LOL good one Denny!!!!!!

It's hell to get old ...


An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as
part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and
bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous
day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc,
it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then
with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with
the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even
called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with
both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man
replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open"...

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is
baking.

He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.

"Mom, look, I'm a white boy."

His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father."

He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy."

His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your
grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Mira, abuelita, I'm a white boy."

His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"

To which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white For five minutes and I already don't like you Mexicans