AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Gov't Interference Extends to the Schoolroom

Well, not to agree or disagree with the butt popping, the issue is how well your kids respond to boundaries. All kids want them, but they would never admit to it. Life is scary. Especially when you are trying out new wings. Not to have absolute boundaries allows you to fly into all kinds of things, some good, some not so much. Once the limits are set, then everything within those limits is accessible, with no barriers. While there, learning the socially acceptable behavior is a requirement, or those boundaries shrink.
I agree we should never beat our kids. They are our precious assets. But, a swift pop in the seat of the pants to get their attention is sometimes needed. Some kids just are a little harder to get through to. Unfortunately, they aren't born with an instruction manual, and each one is different, so it's really a learning effort on both parent and child. Unfortunately too, is that we often bring parenting skills learned at home when we were growing up, good and bad, and apply to our offspring, until we develop a system that works best for us. We can only hope the more gentle ways work, but that's not always the case.
I really think there should be a test you have to take in order to be a parent. Becoming a mom or dad is easy, but becoming a parent isn't.

"Exaggeration and outright false statements ruin discussions like this. Parents do not get thrown in jail and/or have their children taken away for utilizing corporal punishment. "

this isn't true in divorce situations. you don't lose custody of the child for the act itself, but that is the result anyway, should the other parent choose to enable the child and make an issue of it. if you disagree with me, i'll send you my court files.

i am no child beater. other consequences (lectures, tv removed from room, pc taken away, grounding)were attempted first. this was a very rare instance in the child's life. if i had treated and/or spoken to my mother the way this child did me, my dad (also never a hitter) would have popped me one too. the boundaries s&s speaks of are blurred when the other parent enables the child to do as he/she pleases with no consequence, all the while showing an equal amount of disrespect to me.

thought this has little to do with intentional farting, it is a comment on the differences of what was acceptable 30+ years ago vs now.

Janie, your unfortunate experience does not represent the status of the law. Corporal punishment is legal in the United States and there are no criminal or civil penalties for its use. If exaggerated allegations were made against you with respect to the discipline methods you utilized (which is what it sounds like) that might, at least in part, explain the outcome. Additionally, from our prior conversations, I believe there were several other factors taken into consideration by the court in fashioning a disposition in your case.

I see where you are coming from, sweetjane, as I was also in the same situation, although my children were never taken from me, I sometimes wished someone would intervene. My ex let them do whatever the wanted. If he had them over the weekend, it was at least Wednesday before I got them under control again. But, they always knew where they stood with me, and gave up trying to make me into Good Time Charlie, like their dad, because I was the parent, and they knew it.
I think when the other parent only has the kids for a few days a week, they overcompensate by letting the kids run wild. Unfortunately for the custodial parent, it's hard to prove, and getting them back in order appears as a strict, heavy handed effort to those who are on the outside looking in. No quick fix, I'm afraid. Now, my kids are wonderful, independent, law abiding citizens, and I'm very proud of them. I think they are the perfect mixture of their parents, even tho ONE of them wasn't much of a parent.

LA and s&s - i respect each of you for your knowledge and experience.

our case ended up settling after the dad laid hands on my other child in anger (the infamous leveling of the playing field)...unfortunately for me, it happened after all damage with child #1 was done.

yes, although we each were custodial parents, after 5 days at dad's, i felt like i was getting barn animals back. young son has risen above and gotten past all, and is wonderful, cuddly and respectful to me, and is back to good grades. i'll consider him my victory.

Jane, I would say that bf counts as quite a victory too!!