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I hope this works...this is hilarious, and unfortunately, pretty true. It's for everyone flying our skies this season!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qdb6wC0Iz4

This I got from a automotive trade journal.

Clunker Math


submitted by Robert Henderson

The person who calculated this bit of information went to high school in Pittsburgh, Pa. He is now and has been a professor at The University of West Virginia in Morgantown, West Virginia for the last forty some years. I never looked at the clunker program in such depth.

Clunker Math
Think of it this way: A clunker that travels 12,000 miles a year at 15 mpg uses 800 gallons of gas a year. A vehicle that travels 12,000 miles a year at 25 mpg uses 480 gallons a year. So, the average Cash for Clunkers transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 320 gallons per year. They claim 700,000 vehicles so that's 224 million gallons saved per year. That equates to a bit over 5 million barrels of oil. 5 million barrels is about 5 hours worth of US consumption. More importantly, 5 million barrels of oil at $70 per barrel costs about $350 million dollars so, the government paid $3 billion of our tax dollars to save $350 million.

We spent $8.57 for every dollar we saved.

I'm pretty sure they will do a great job with our health care, though.

It was also a way to stimulate the economy through the auto industry making more cars and the cascade effect it would have through the secondary structure. But I suppose if you ignore the rest of the details....

How many of those people that did the deal knew they had to pay tax on the 4K too?

France


A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many
beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But
try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested.
Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the
beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to
meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem
to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What
do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees
you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk
up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys
a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He
parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies.
So he goes back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he
says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't
been able to meet a girl."
"Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee
store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and
down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way."
"Thanks!" says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato,
puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and
down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at
him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the
Frenchman.
"Look," he says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked
up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?"
"Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?"

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her.


When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought; then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.

Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how tough I am."
I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough?
When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's
cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his
shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home to screw the cat."

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will
mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.


If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other
Members of the family and social circle have been
Known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial
Wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for
The dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle
Around the fresh grave and sing:




"Freeze a jolly good fellow"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."


"Then they kick him in the ice hole."

HISSSSSSSSS...............

You been working too hard champion