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Damn!

Perks of reaching 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.



Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Now, Thats freekin FUNNY !

E, kind of hits close to home, huh?

ROFLMAO!!!!

"kind of close"?????

Ok then, right on target! How's that?

Update on Monica Lewinsky

After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror...

Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her....

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...

'God....If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' She prayed...

And just like that... Her ears fell off...

That reminds me of an old joke....Abdul was digging around in some ruins one day and came across an old lamp. He decided what the hell and gave it a rub, much to his surprise out popped a Geni and said "your wish is my command" to which our swarthy friend replied "Geni Geni quite profound, make my pecker touch the ground" and Poof! his legs fell off.