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Bubba's car was hit by a truck in an accident.

In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Bubba. Didn't you say, Sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'? asked the lawyer.

Bubba responded, Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da.....

I didn't ask for any details, the lawyer interrupted. Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?

Bubba said, Well, I had just got Bessie into da trailer and I was driving down da road...

The lawyer interrupted again and said, Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Bubba's answer and said to the lawyer, I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.

Bubba thanked the Judge and proceeded. Well, as I was saying I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and was driving her down da highway when dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into da other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. But, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun and shot her right between da eyes.

Then da patrolman, he came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?' Now, what da hell would YOU say?

from a friend....

Did Philip Fart?

What do you think?

The expressions are priceless!
Look at the Queen's face!

A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song.......

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces ..
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!

Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?

Why not send this on to other old farts and bring a smile...or....tear to them!

Once upon a time long, long, ago there was a season when neither the Leafs
nor the Canadiens made
the post season playoffs. It seemed so unusual, that the management of both
teams got together and decided
that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams because
of their great rivalry. So, they decided
on a weeklong ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish
at the end of the week wins.

So on a cold northern Ontario lake they began their contest.

The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Canadiens had caught 100 fish and
the Leafs had 0.

At the end of the 2nd day the Canadiens had caught 200 fish and the Leafs 0.


That evening the Leafs coach got his team together and said, "I suspect some
kind of cheating is taking place", So the next morning he dressed one of his
players in Canadien colours and sent him over to their camp to act as a spy.

At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach. The coach asked
"Well, how about it, are they cheating?"

"They sure are," the player reported, "They're cutting holes in the ice".

Stella Awards




Its time again for the annual "Stella Awards." For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head and say WHAT THE HECK! So keep your head scratcher handy.








Here are the Stellas for the past year:





* SEVENTH PLACE *


Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.


Start scratching!


* SIXTH PLACE *


Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California , won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.


Scratch some more...



* FIFTH PLACE *


Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching... There are more......


Double hand scratching after this one.....


* FOURTH PLACE *


Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.


Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..



* THIRD PLACE *


Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.


Only two more so ease up on the scratching....



*SECOND PLACE*


Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware , sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ..... oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.


OK. Here we go!!


* FIRST PLACE *


This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her -- are you sitting down? --- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.





Are we, as a society, getting more stupid ....


or are more members of Congress

serving on juries these days?

Funny, but unfortunately not true as per Snopes.com

You beat me to it jhill, stories like this pop up all the time and are rarely close to being true, funny but not true. As for Stella, she did win a cash judgement which was promptly thrown out in appeal.

Notice the thread..smiles for the day..not facts for today..

True, and I may be getting into the weeds here, but stories like these are intended to shape public opinion towards tort reform. Even false stories make people outraged that courts could do such things and must be stopped.

You are one sick person.

Few people are aware of this but it is a fact that Ronald Reagan dressed up in women's clothing and went out at night to sell tupperware after Alzheimers started to set in. Oh I'm sorry this is "Smiles for the Day" not facts for the day.
papashine, your posting was put out as being fact, had you posted it as, "what if..." this actually happened? it would have been different. So I think jhill123 has a good point.