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Bear Shot By Newfie near Restaurant !!!


This bear was shot near a restaurant in

Alberta by a Newfoundlander who was

working at Fort MacMurray . The man

who shot the bear said he took it upon

himself because it was hanging around

a food outlet, and he was concerned for

the safety of others .
















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Romania: False-Prophecy Penalty

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

A month after the authorities began taxing Romania's witches and fortunetellers on their trade, Parliament is considering a new bill that would subject them to fines or even prison if their predictions do not come true. Superstition is taken seriously in Romania, and officials passed the tax bill in an effort to increase revenues. The new bill would also require witches to have permits and provide their customers with receipts, and it would bar them from practicing near schools and churches. Witches argue they should not be blamed for the failure of their tools. "They can't condemn witches; they should condemn the cards," said Bratara Buzea, a "queen witch."

Canadians: "Build a Fence!"


From The Manitoba Herald, Canada R20; Reported by Clive Runnels

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves." A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age." an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

GOLF PANTIES




A Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends
over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt
up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any
skivvies?', Ole demanded.
Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford
any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and
says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and
buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball
on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she,
too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the
sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some
underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes
her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta
be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well,
fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....
Tidy yerself up a bit.

Uninstalling dictator ... 100% complete
██████████ ██████ ██████ ████░
New version of Dictator available.
Would you like to install now?

Ohhh Elbert, I didn't get this one....It looks fun and I'm missing it. Could I trouble you to explain? Or is it over my head?

Question--why should you always take two Republicans fishing with you?

If you take only one, he'll smoke all your pot, but if you take two, they won't smoke any.

I hear that the Replubicans are considering changing their emblem from an Elephant to a condom because a condom stands for inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of d**ks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal." -Bill Maher

"A new poll shows President Obama ahead of Sarah Palin 54 percent to 39 percent in a potential match up. You know what that means? John McCain could get Barack Obama elected twice." -Jay Leno

"A new study says that radiation from Wi-Fi is hurting trees. Environmentalists are calling it the worst assault on trees since George W. Bush and Sarah Palin became authors." -Jimmy Fallon

giggle.....

AARG, were home, landed yesterday. joke for the day

Just as a historical reminder of events in the oval office

Lewinsky and Kaczynski
The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section
called the 'Style Invitational'.

The requirements this week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the
Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.

Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed
verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:

Third place:

There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.

And the winning entry:

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.