Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks:
"What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Frank. The midget."
It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:
"Nice pigs, sir." The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."
The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said, "Excellent trade, sir."
Tim wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.
He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!!
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed!
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.. I love you, darling! Love, Jane'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper..
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating..
Tim asks, 'Bruce,what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M.., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door..'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the Right thing, at the Right time:
PRICELESS
It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and says,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...
'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a Bitch!! A talking pig!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
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