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Ut Oh, if Simon agrees with this, I better regroup

Otter for Prez!!!

I thought we already elected him about 2 years ago!!!!!!

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Maybe if you tried a little romancing instead of hitting them over the head with your caveman club, you wouldn't have that problem to deal with?

Try evolving...become a small government Libertarian, like me and Otter

Yeah, dude, become a small government Libertarian.

Wire- Raleigh, NC

Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits.
However, Gordon got more than he bargained for.

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

Rum & Coke

A priest was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St. John's ..

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Newfie asked for Rum & Coke, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust..... "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice

A small zoo in Mississippi obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

4. And last of all, Bobby Lee stated "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

Golf quiz
http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm