AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

Five Friday/Saturday/Sundays

wiki.answers.com/Q/How_often_does_July_​1st_fall_on_a_Friday

Pugwash , I like your week, Hi Five Back !!!I get two of those days off. But my pay would still be the same , 60 min's /hr & all the air I can handle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A good ole Georgia boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.



He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What the hell you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 75 miles of here.



" He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.



She says, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing to the field behind the house.



The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him,



"What the hell are you doing?"



His brother replies, "I'm fishin. What the hell does it look like I'm a doing."



His brother yells back, "It's people like you that give people from Georgia a bad name, makin' everybody think we are stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass."

True Story - for some reasons the photos are not coming through on this post - drat!
********

An Austrian atheist has won the right to be shown on his driving-licence photo wearing a pasta strainer as "religious headgear".

Niko Alm first applied for the licence three years ago after reading that headgear was allowed in official pictures only for confessional reasons.

Mr Alm said the sieve was a requirement of his religion, pastafarianism.

The Austrian authorities required him to obtain a doctor's certificate that he was "psychologically fit" to drive.

The idea came into Mr Alm's noodle three years ago as a way of making a serious, if ironic, point.

A self-confessed atheist, Mr Alm says he belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a light-hearted faith whose members call themselves pastafarians.

A medical interview established the self-styled 'pastafarian' was mentally fit to drive

The group's website states that "the only dogma allowed in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the rejection of dogma".

In response to pressure for American schools to teach the Christian theory known as intelligent design, as an alternative to natural selection, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster wrote to the Kansas School Board asking for the pastafarian version of intelligent design to be taught to schoolchildren, as an alternative to the Christian theory.

"Straining credulity"

In the same spirit, Mr Alm's pastafarian-style application for a driving licence was a response to the Austrian recognition of confessional headgear in official photographs.

The licence took three years to come through and, according to Mr Alm, he was asked to submit to a medical interview to check on his mental fitness to drive but - straining credulity - his efforts have finally paid off.

It is the police who issue driving licences in Austria, and they have duly issued a laminated card showing Mr Alm in his unorthodox item of religious headgear.

The next step, Mr Alm told the Austrian news agency APA, is to apply to the Austrian authorities for pastafarianism to become an officially recognised faith.

Throw him against the wall and if he sticks serve him!

Check out their website...

http://www.venganza.org/

I dont get it.

Think baschetti....I mean spaghetti.....

I went to the Doctor's office the other day and found out that my new doctor is a young famale, and drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out.

I said. "My wife thinks my d**k tastes funny."

crude jhill! Don't get me wrong, I like it -- but it's crude!

The Air Force found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,

'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,

''Where are your testicles?''
The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.