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#500263 01/23/15 07:49 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
OP Offline
MALE LOGIC:

Critical Thinking At Its Best!

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man:

Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:

How much do you pay per beer?

Man:

$5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:

Where's your Ferrari?





























Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
champion #500333 01/25/15 09:58 AM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,563
Offline


Here is old age at its best.







Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.



One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.



A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?



Larry replied, 'I have been in jail.'



'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?'



'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'



'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?



'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I plead 'guilty'.



'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury'.


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
champion #501217 02/18/15 11:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
OP Offline

Late breaking story from ESPN Sports center..........2/17/2015

Pete Carroll, head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, is reported to be very
near to signing on as a special consultant to The Pope in Vatican City.
The Pope looks to recruit Carroll to be a spokesman for the Catholic Church
because he is the first man in history that made 100 million people jump up
and yell "Jesus Christ!" at the same time.

More information will be reported as this story is followed.



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
champion #501233 02/18/15 04:06 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,000
R
Offline
R
laugh laugh


Jim
Formerly from somewhere on a beach in Belize
champion #501242 02/19/15 12:58 AM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,538
Offline
I apologize to the ladies that frequent this forum, as I know you are all special and nothing like what I am going to describe here (including my own wife): From news sources, we hear now that the circumstances surrounding Osama Bin Laden's death are different than has been tough until now:

He lived with his three wives in his house in Abbottabad, Pakistan.
For security reasons he couldn't leave his house for five years, ever!
I have information now, from reliable sources that Osama himself in fact called the US Navy SEALs to be killed.

Short


Live and let live
champion #501520 02/25/15 12:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
OP Offline

A tough old cowboy from Montana counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.



The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
champion #501521 02/25/15 01:19 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,925
Offline
Frozen windows

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen, won't open"

Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer"

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: Computer really screwed now!"


Reality..What a concept!
champion #501525 02/25/15 02:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
OP Offline
That's as good as the blonde whose key fob with key can't open her car door cause the battery is dead.


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
ragman #501874 03/05/15 01:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
OP Offline
A guy texts his neighbor:

Arlie, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:
I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you.
I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home.
I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again.

Arlie, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom and without a word shoots his wife.

Moments later the Arlie gets a second text : I really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"... Sorry!


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
champion #502205 03/14/15 05:32 AM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 84,400
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