Tipping schedule (American Plan)
Five out of Five: Waiter was smart, friendly, could speak 6 languages, got every bit of the order of a 7 course meal for a party of 4 correct, his wine recommendation was spot on, all food arrived hot (or cold where appropriate) and perfectly cooked and presented. Quite the best restaurant, meal, wine and service I've ever had. Tip 15%
Four out of Five: All of the above, however, Waiter could only speak 4 languages and the wine was served 1 degree too warm. I ordered apple pie and whipped cream for dessert, it came with Vanilla ice cream instead. I'll definitely return. Tip 15%
Three out of Five: Waiter was bilingual, still friendly, (but did he seem to be looking at my girlfriend's cleavage a bit too long?) meal was great, several errors on the order but we got by, wine recommendation was OK. A good place to return to as most everything was fine and might get better next time. Hope the waiter finds his own girlfriend by then! Tip 15%
Two out of Five: Waiter spoke bad English, a bit surly, got most of the order wrong, food lukewarm, wine was vinegary, waiter definitely hitting on my girlfriend, he spilt gravy on my lap as well but he did sort of apologise and handed me a dirty flannel to clean up with. Probably our last meal there. Tip 15%.
One out of Five. Everything was appalling. Waiter barely spoke any language at all, saliva dribbling out of the corner of his mouth, very bad breath, really kept hitting on my girlfriend who lost her sense of smell in World War 2 during a bombing raid. At first she was disgusted by his advances and then she became curious followed by strangely excited and they ended up making out on the table. Wine was rat's saliva, food smelt terrible, restaurant hot and steamy. I will NEVER eat there again, not even to get my ex-girlfriend back. What a disgrace. I'm only going to tip 10%. That'll teach them.